Лучшие смешные рассказы / Best Funny Stories

I suppose it is the continental sky. [22] It is so blue, so beautiful; it naturally attracts one. So most tennis players on the Continent, whether English or foreign, try to aim the ball direct at Heaven. At an English club in Switzerland there was in my days a young Englishman who was really a wonderful player. He never passed the ball. But he was weak returning it. The ball went a hundred feet or so into the air and descended in his opponent’s court. The other man was standing and watching the ball, a little point in the Heavens, growing gradually bigger and bigger as it neared the earth. The ball fall at his feet, rise another twenty yards or so and again descend. When it was at the proper height he hit it back over the net, and the next moment it was mounting the sky again. I have seen that young man, with tears in his eyes, was pleading to be given an umpire. Every umpire had fled. They hid behind trees, pretended they were visitors, they wanted to avoid the task of umpiring for that young man. Such a game might last all day. Anyone could return his balls; but, as I have said, nobody could get a ball past him. He won; the other man, after an hour or so, was getting mad and trying to lose. It was his only chance of dinner.
Generally speaking, a tennis ground abroad is a pretty sight. The women pay more attention to their costumes than do our lady players. The men are usually in white. The ground is often in a wonderful place, the club-house is picturesque; there is always laughter and joy. The play may not be so good to watch, but the picture is delightful. I accompanied a man a little while ago to his club on the outskirts of Brussels. [23] The ground was bordered by a wood.
It was a glorious spring afternoon. The courts were crowded. The red earth and the green grass formed a background against which the women, in their new Parisian toilets, [24] under their bright parasols, stood out like moving flowers. The whole atmosphere was delightful.
Just nearby a group of peasants were working in the field. An old woman and a young girl, with ropes about their shoulders, were drawing a harrow, [25] an old man was guiding them. They paused for a moment at the wire fencing, and looked through. It was an odd contrast; the two worlds divided by the wire fencing – so slight, almost invisible. The girl swept the sweat from her face with her hand; the woman pushed back her grey locks underneath the handkerchief about her head; the old man stood himself with some difficulty. So they stood for a minute, gazing with quiet faces through that slight fencing.
Was there any thought, I wonder, passing through their brains? The young girl – she was very nice in spite of her ugly garments. The woman – she had a wonderfully fine face: clear, calm eyes under a square broad brow.
The old man bent again over the guiding ropes. They moved forward up the hill. It is Anatole France, [26] I think, who says: Society is based [27] upon the patience of the poor.
 
Упражнения
 
1. Выберите правильный вариант:
1. Baseball is gaining favour more and more throughout Europe.
2. Hockey is gaining favour more and more throughout Europe.
3. Football is gaining favour more and more throughout Europe.
4. Basketball is gaining favour more and more throughout Europe.
ОТВЕТ:
Football is gaining favour more and more throughout Europe.
2. Who won greater applause from the crowd?
1. Adams
2. Tammas
3. Anatole France
4. Doherty
ОТВЕТ: Doherty
3. Who does not understand how to play?
1. The Englishman
2. The Frenchman
3. The German
4. The Spanishman
ОТВЕТ: The Englishman
4. How many peasants were working in the field?
1. One
2. Two
3. Three
4. Four
ОТВЕТ: Three
5. What is a club?
1. It is a round object.
2. It is a stick used to hit a golf ball.
3. It is a piece of equipment used to play tennis.
4. It is a hollow rubber ball.
ОТВЕТ: It is a stick used to hit a golf ball.
6. What does an English novelist do?
1. He teaches English.
2. He plays golf.
3. He writes novels.
4. He reads novels.
ОТВЕТ: He writes novels.
7. Выберите правильный вариант:
1. Tennis and the ministry don’t seem to go together.
2. Golf and shopping don’t seem to go together.
3. Football and the ministry don’t seem to go together.
4. Golf and the ministry don’t seem to go together.
ОТВЕТ: Golf and the ministry don’t seem to go together.
8. What does the Frenchman prefers to play with?
1. The Frenchman prefers to play with his head.
2. The Frenchman prefers to play with his legs.
3. The Frenchman prefers to play with his hands.
4. The Frenchman prefers to play with his fingers.
ОТВЕТ: The Frenchman prefers to play with his head.
9. Where did a young couple go for their honeymoon?
1. to Belgium
2. to England
3. to Scotland
4. to France
ОТВЕТ: to Scotland
10. Выберите нужный глагол:
At dinner-time he noticed that it seemed a pretty place they __________ found, and suggested to stay there another day.
1. had
2. have
3. will
4. are
ОТВЕТ: had
11. Выберите нужные глаголы:
Fat men, between paroxysms of coughing, _______ you of the goals they _______ when they were extraordinary forwards.
1. told, score
2. tell, score
3. had told, scored
4. tell, scored
ОТВЕТ: tell, scored
12. Выберите нужный предлог:
He makes a life-long labour _________ his sport, and to it sacrifices mind and body.
1. by
2. at
3. of
4. with
ОТВЕТ: of
13. Ответьте на вопросы:
1. Who tells the story?
2. What is the name of the famous French writer mentioned in the story?
3. What have you learned about golf?
4. What do you like and what don’t you like in golf?
5. What would you do if you were playing golf?
6. What is the end of the story?
7. How can you explain the title of the story?
8. Retell the story.
14. Заполните таблицу:
ОТВЕТ:
 
Should We Say What We Think, or Think What We Say?
 
A mad friend of mine says that the main word of the age is Make-Believe. [28] He claims that all social intercourse is founded on make-believe. A servant enters to say that Mr. and Mrs. Bore are in the living-room.