A Taste of Home

will get easier,’ Louise then added, gently resting a hand on my shoulder. ‘In time it won’t be as all consuming as it is now.’
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for fear of crying again. I’d naively thought I was all cried out after Mum’s funeral but the well was still far from dry. A day hadn’t yet passed when I hadn’t succumbed to tears at some point. So much for assuming that coming here would take some of the edge off how much I missed her.
We let the silence settle around us for a while, but I eventually broke it. I needed to move the day on.
‘Thank you for fetching me back,’ I said. ‘I’m pleased we’ve had this chance to talk.’
‘So am I,’ she smiled. ‘I can’t tell you how lovely it is to meet you. I wish it had happened twenty-eight years ago, but there we are.’
‘At least it’s happened now,’ I said, standing up and brushing the grass off my legs.
‘Exactly,’ she agreed.
‘I asked Eliot not to say anything about me to my grandfather and I still stand by that, Louise.’ She looked aghast, but I pressed on. ‘Like Eliot pointed out, this new hip marks a return to health for him and he doesn’t need to have his fresh start hindered by my arrival and news of what’s happened to Mum. He’s lived without her for almost thirty years and, given the circumstances, I think it would be best if he continued to do so.’
Louise shook her head and I walked back over to the house before she launched her counter-argument. I knew she was going to try and make me change my mind and given the emotional low ebb I was at, I had a feeling I might just relent and that wouldn’t be any help to my grandfather’s new beginning at all.
‘It was nice to meet you, Eliot,’ I said, picking up my rucksack again.
‘You’re not leaving?’ he asked, looking up from the magazine he was reading.
‘As soon as your mum starts her car.’
‘But you can’t…’
‘I must,’ I said over him.
‘Are you sure, Fliss? Is that really what you want?’
‘It doesn’t matter what Felicity wants,’ said Louise, who had followed me inside. ‘There’s only one person whose opinion really matters in all of this, and that’s Bill’s.’
‘But his fresh start,’ I reminded her. ‘We agreed nothing should jeopardise that. Didn’t we? Eliot?’ I said, turning and appealing directly to him.
He looked at his mum and puffed out his cheeks. I knew in an instant that he’d swapped sides, the traitor.
‘Finding out that Mum’s gone will be the worst news he ever hears,’ I told the two of them. ‘And he didn’t even know Mum was pregnant, so I’m no loss to him at all.’ Mother and son looked at each other and then at me. ‘You’re both mad,’ I told them. ‘This is wrong.’
‘More wrong than the two of us knowing about Jennifer and you and keeping it from him?’ Eliot questioned.
‘I don’t think I could live with myself,’ said Louise, shaking her head. ‘Especially now I’ve met you, my love.’
This was all wrong. We were supposed to just be having a chat and then I was going to leave. Earlier on the road, that was what we’d agreed.
‘I should never have come,’ I muttered again, more to myself than them. ‘And now I’m thinking I shouldn’t have let you bring me back.’
‘Yes,’ said Louise, her tone full of certainty and a determination I knew I couldn’t beat, ‘you should. Your mum wanted you to come here for a reason, Felicity, and I think you should stay.’
I wanted to remind her that I was Fliss, not Felicity, but for the moment had more pressing concerns.
‘So do I now,’ said Eliot, backing her up. ‘I know I let you go before, but that was a mistake.’
Louise looked delighted, but then she would, she was winning.
‘Don’t overthink it,’ she said, reaching for my hand. ‘And don’t think too far ahead. Just take one step at a time.’
Her choice of words pulled me up short. That was exactly what I’d told the Rossis I was going to do.
‘For now,’ Louise carried on when I didn’t protest, ‘let’s just say you’re staying until Bill’s recovered from his infection.’ Eliot nodded in agreement. ‘Give him a day or so to get back to his old self, and in that time, you can think about whether you want to talk to him or not.’
‘But he’s already seen me,’ I reminded her. ‘And I’ve told him my name. It’s already a total mess.’
‘Nothing we can’t fix,’ she briskly said, her tone victorious. ‘Right, Eliot?’
‘Right,’ he said, backing her up. ‘We’ll work something out. It’ll all come good in the end.’
I wasn’t sure it would, but looking between the two of them, I had no choice but to accept that the next few steps I took would be walked in the Fens.

Chapter 5
When Louise had reassured me that she and Eliot would find a way to sort out the muddle surrounding my arrival, I had assumed that she meant by offering me a bed at their place, with a trip or two back to the farm when my grandfather was recovered from his infection. However, it turned out that wasn’t any part of her plan.
‘Oh Mum!’ Eliot protested, when she explained what she did have in mind. ‘That’s a ludicrous idea.’
‘No, it’s not,’ she responded, every bit as determinedly as her son. ‘This is the Brown family home and I think it’s important that Felicity stays here. It’s the ideal opportunity for her to get to know the house and the farm where her mother grew up.’
There was no way I was going to agree to that. ‘That’s impossible,’ I told her. ‘I’ll book into somewhere in town. I’m not risking bumping into my grandfather before he’s completely recovered again. I couldn’t bear another awkward encounter. I’ve already lied about who I am once, I’m certainly not