A Taste of Home

impossible.’
‘And yet she still chose not to come home when she realised that,’ he said. ‘She preferred to make her life and yours elsewhere.’
He sounded incredibly sad and my heart broke for him.
‘I’m ashamed to say, I was furious when I found out she was pregnant,’ he carried on. ‘I should have taken time to get used to the idea before I spoke to her about it, but I was so upset and scared. I’d struggled to cope with her wayward behaviour after Felicity died and I knew I’d let her get away with too much.’
‘You can’t blame yourself for her behaviour, Bill,’ said Louise. ‘She was a law unto herself. And I had no idea that you knew she was pregnant when she left.’
‘Loving fathers don’t miss much,’ he sniffed. ‘I also knew that you knew too Louise, but I appreciated that we never talked about it. It would have made it all so much harder if we had.’
‘That’s very generous of you,’ said Louise, looking misty eyed.
‘No point holding a grudge,’ he shrugged. ‘And like I said, our silence did make things a little easier.’
‘Mum did settle in Italy,’ I said, wanting him to know that she had made something of her life. ‘Well, she had a base there. On a farm which belongs to the Rossi family. For the most part it was where I grew up. They mainly grow cherries and olives…’
‘She settled on a farm?’ Grandad gasped, his eyes wide. ‘Well, I never. She always despised this place because it stopped us taking summer holidays and meant working long hours and yet she willingly settled on someone else’s where it would have been just the same.’
I looked at Louise and bit my lip. Rather than make things better, I was just making them worse and the hardest part was still to come.
‘You’re forgetting how much she hated the British weather,’ said Louise, trying to lighten the moment, but it didn’t help.
‘She didn’t stay there all the time,’ I rushed on, keen to make amends. ‘As I said, it was more of a base. More often than not she was off travelling. It was her ambition to visit every country in the world. I used to go with her when I was younger, but then I began to work properly for the Rossis…’
‘Fliss,’ said Grandad, putting up a hand to stop me. ‘Can I just ask you something?’
‘Of course,’ I swallowed.
I looked at Louise again. Her head was bowed and I realised I must have made another mistake.
‘You just said this farm in Italy was a base for Jennifer and that it was her ambition to visit every country.’
‘That’s right,’ I nodded.
‘Why isn’t it now?’
For the second time since I’d arrived, the world ground to a halt. Without realising, I’d been talking about Mum in the past tense.
‘Because she’s dead, Bill,’ said Louise, reaching for my hand and saving me from having to say the words. ‘She’s not with us anymore.’
‘Is this true?’ Grandad asked, looking to me.
‘Yes,’ I nodded, my voice barely audible. ‘It is. She died of cancer a few weeks ago and she left me a letter telling me the name of this place and where it was and that she wanted me to come and find you.’
A sob escaped Grandad’s lips and I pulled my hand from Louise’s grasp and rushed to his bedside.
‘My girl has gone?’ he choked.
‘Yes,’ I said again. ‘She’s gone. I’m so sorry.’
I don’t know how long we sat, our hands tightly clasped together, but the sun had long since left the room by the time Grandad spoke again. Like mine and Louise’s, his tears had flowed freely the whole time we were quiet and it was a relief to witness it.
The last thing he needed to do was bottle his grief up. He didn’t strike me as the type to display his emotions, he was a proper old country boy, and even though it was tough to see his stiff upper lip disappear, it was a godsend too.
‘I searched for her you know,’ he eventually said, his voice raspy. ‘And I never gave up hope that one day she’d come back. I hate the thought of her still hating me all the way to her grave.’
‘I don’t think she did, Grandad,’ I said, pulling out and handing him Mum’s letter. ‘She left this for you. If it’s anything like mine, it will hopefully explain a few things.’
He took it from me and I passed him the glasses on the little table next to his bed. It was too late for Mum to change anything inside the envelope now, but I hoped her letter answered Grandad’s questions and gave him some of the peace and acceptance he so sorely needed.
‘Another letter,’ he swallowed. ‘I hope it says more than the note she left when she disappeared.’
‘We’ll leave you to read it, Bill,’ said Louise, standing up. ‘Come on Fliss, love,’ she added, holding out her hand.
‘Before you go,’ said Grandad just as we reached the door. ‘Tell me Fliss, are you in a rush to get back to this farm in Italy?’
‘That depends,’ I told him.
‘On what?’
‘On whether or not you’d like me to stay here for a while.’
‘I’d very much like you to stay,’ he said, without a moment’s hesitation. ‘And for much longer than a while, if you’d like to.’
‘I’d like that very much,’ I said, crossing the room again and giving him another hug.
I know I’d promised Marco that I’d be back in time to work over the summer season, but that wasn’t going to happen now and I hoped he wouldn’t mind. I knew Nonna and Alessandro would be thrilled so hopefully they’d be able to talk him round.
‘Good,’ Grandad sniffed, as he patted my back. ‘I’m pleased about that, because from what I’ve heard you saying to Eliot, there’s plenty here to keep you occupied if you think you’re up to it.’
‘Oh, I am,’ I told him, kissing his damp, whiskery cheek. ‘I’m