Dillon: A Wings of Diablo MC Novel

this shit and we both know it. I'm only here, because I'm next in the fucking line. You don't think I make mistakes? Because I can fucking assure you that I do. This isn't a perfect fucking life, there is always going to be risk and pain. But if we are fucking together then we can fucking get through it. You fucked up when you started listening to those outside of our brotherhood, but that’s something that can be fixed."
"Then fix it."
Clean jumps out of his seat and pounds his hands down on the table, "What the fuck do you think I'm trying to do? You think I'm over here twiddling my goddamn thumbs? I'm fixing your goddamn mess when it should be your ass doing it. Even if I'm the president of this club for the rest of my life, every single one of them and every fucking ally we ever had would follow you before they follow me. I'm doing what needs to be done here only because you are too chicken shit to realize that it's you that needs to be doing it." He takes a quick breath to calm himself down. "Wire, we need you. All of us, we need you home. Everything will be ok. Tell us what you need, and we can make sure that you get it, but stop running away from your family."
That must be what he feels like I'm doing. That I'm abandoning them.
"Barry, you will always be my brother even if I never step another foot into this clubhouse. These bikers here will always be my family, but until I know for sure that I have confidence in myself I can't allow you all to follow a leader who can fuck up as thoroughly as I did. I can't do it. "
Clean leans back in his chair and puts a hand over his face. When he pulls his hands down and I can see his face I'm surprised at what I see—the bags under his eyes, the slight wrinkles at the corners of his mouth from all the scowling. Being President is a drain on him physically. I don't know how I didn't see it before. This responsibility has broken stronger men.
"You can do this Clean. You might not think you were made to lead, but I know you can."
He laughs, "Oh yeah, I can do it, but there is no one here that will ever say that I do it better than you."
I know he isn't trying to play with me, but I just can't understand how he can say something like that? His wife was brutalized, because of the people that I’d kept around us. He lost his son, because of me. How can he really think that I'd make a better leader than him?
"You look like you just bit into something nasty." Clean speaks up and I’m jarred out of my own thoughts.
"Do you mean that Clean? After everything that happened, because of the people that I put us around, do you really think that there is no one better than me for the job? Does Maven feel that way?"
The slight smile on his face drops as he looks over to the side, finally understanding what I'm getting at. "You realize it was me who brought the Spawns into our lives. It was all of us that decided to send our women to the charity event with no protection. You were the leader, but the decisions were never all yours. Stop killing yourself over this. None of us want you to suffer anymore and that is exactly what you’re doing to yourself. Killing yourself for something no one even blames you for anymore."
I let my head hit the back of the chair. I wish that were true. I know one person for sure who still blames me for that shit. "Tell that to Keeley."
"Keeley! Thank fuck. You two finally working shit out? Where is she?"
"Whoa boy, you moving way too fast. I only just got her phone number. I don't know where they are, and she barely wants to talk to me. She doesn't trust me to keep her safe or Lily."
"It'll take a little time, but the fact that she is even answering the phone is progress. You know she loves you."
I open my eyes and look at him. "That's what she says. That she still loves me, but that's just one more thing that I don't deserve."
"Hmm, sounds like the both of you need to talk to Duo."
"Duo? Storm's woman?"
"Oh yeah, I guess you didn't really get the whole genealogy on her, huh. That's your cousin-in-law."
What the fuck?
"What are you talking about? How is she my cousin-in-law?"
"She's Keeley's cousin. Her father is Marko Juric's brother."
"Bullshit!" I stand up now, how many other family members did I not know about. For fuck’s sake, over the past couple of days I’d figured out that I have a father and siblings that I didn't know about. Now I have a cousin that's been living right here with my club and I didn't even notice. It felt like I was a part of a big prank that no one was letting me in on.
"I swear it. I even saw Sven and her father myself."
"Ain't this a bitch." I turn to the door and just as I put my hand on the knob, I remember my place. He didn't dismiss me. "Are we done?"
"Yeah, I'm coming right behind you."
I rush out of church and make my way through the crowd. They part for me as if they are showing me some type of reverence. Though I wish that they wouldn't. I make my way over to Storm, the man that was once a brother to my enemy. Prospect rags on his back as he boxes in his woman against the bar.
When I get behind him Mack shoots me a worried glance. He probably thought I was going to start some shit with him, but there was nothing that I could