Dillon: A Wings of Diablo MC Novel

even find my own way back to who I used to be? It's driving me crazy that I’d allowed us to get so far into the wrong that it caused us to lose life. I shouldn't ever be forgiven, and I shouldn't ever be trusted to watch over someone's life. My own family included. They are better off without me.
"Yeah, well." She lets her voice trail off not wanting to admit that I had truly disappointed her.
"Lily? Where's Lily?" I ask just as desperate to hear her voice as I was to hear Keeley's.
"She's sleeping Dillon. Besides she's very angry with you, she’s not going to want to talk to you."
"What? Why? Why is she angry?" I couldn't believe that my daughter understood everything that was going on at the clubhouse.
"You're not here. She cries for you, but you're not here. She says she never wants to see you again." Keeley sniffles and part of me wants to scream into the phone that she is doing this on purpose. If she would just come home, I would be there. Lily wouldn't have to cry, but I also know that I can't keep them safe. They don't need to be around me right now.
"Fuck, I ... I miss you both so much. I don't fucking know what to do." I admit and drop my head in my hands. It's only been since I've met Keeley that I've been able to be vulnerable about anything. She is the only one that has ever been able to get me to open up and now that I hear her voice, I just wish she were here to help me. I need her.
"You do know what to do."
"No, Key, I don't. I want my family, but I know that I don't deserve you guys. Not after all the shit that I let happen. I want to go home, but there is no way that I can lead a club right now … I mean I let the Wings be gutted from the inside out. If I knew what to do then I wouldn't have let any of that shit happen. I would have been able to protect you."
"Dillon, I know that if you could've, you would have protected all of us. You just need to figure out what changed. I'm sorry that I can't help you more than that." Her voice is much softer now.
"Will you come home?" I ask letting my wish tumble out of my mouth.
"No Dillon. I can't, not while you are still like this. I need to be able to depend on you and I can't right now."
I understood and accepted that. Lily deserved a father that was a better man than I am. I just didn't know how to get there, yet.
"Ok." I answer.
"I love you, Dillon." Her voice cracks and I have to pull the phone away from my ear to not hear her cry. I can't handle it right now. I press the phone back to my ear for only a second.
"Fuck, Princess I love you too. I'll call soon." I hang up before she can say anything else. I drop the phone on the side of the bed and lay back against the soft mattress. I haven't been able to get a good night sleep in quite some time and I doubt that would be changing any time soon.
* * *
After tossing and turning in the bed for a few hours I'm finally able to get some sleep. When I wake the next morning, I see that the guys either ordered in some food or there was a cook here, because the spread is unbelievable.
"Holy shit. Who the hell cooked all this?" I ask as I make my way into the kitchen and pull a plate from the rack.
"Oh, he rises! Winnie here is our club cook. He should have made that shit his career and not messed around with us degenerates." Spark says as he piles on some eggs and more sausage onto his plate.
I grab a fork and sample a bit of everything—eggs, pancakes, sausage, French toast, steak, some oatmeal looking stuff. I've been pretty much living off of whatever I could get on the road, so having a home cooked meal is a nice change.
"We would have waited for you to wake up, but we were hungry, and thought you would sleep in much longer." Cody shrugs and stuffs a small muffin into his mouth.
"Yeah, I had a long night." I did, all night long I could only think of the fact that Keeley didn't trust me or that Lily was mad enough to not want me in her life anymore. I knew I had to make this right, but I had no idea how I was going to do it or even if I deserved to do it.
"Did you tell him?"
I hear Devin whispering to Brendan and I know that they are talking about me. Otherwise, there is no reason for them to whisper. Did they tell me what?
"No, later."
"Later when?" Devin hisses at him. They lower their voices, and I no longer can hear what they are talking about. Despite that I know that one of them needs to tell me something. I enjoy my breakfast and talk with the rest of the guys to see how they have been doing.
I finish my plate, my belly full of good food for the first time in ages. Picking up my plate I walk towards the kitchen and call out. "Devin, Brendan, come talk to me for a second." I disappear into the kitchen and wait for them to come to me.
"Yeah, Wire? What's up?" Devin asks as he uses a napkin to wipe his face. Brendan walks in behind him not understanding what I need to speak with them for.
"You need us?" Brendan asks.
"Yeah, I need you to tell me whatever the fuck it is that you're waiting to tell me later." I cross my arms over my chest and glare