Hamlet

good lord.

Hamlet
Thy state is the more gracious; for ’tis a vice to know him. He hath much land, and fertile: let a beast be lord of beasts, and his crib shall stand at the king’s mess: ’tis a chough; but, as I say, spacious in the possession of dirt.


Osric
Sweet lord, if your lordship were at leisure, I should impart a thing to you from his majesty.


Hamlet
I will receive it, sir, with all diligence of spirit. Put your bonnet to his right use; ’tis for the head.


Osric
I thank your lordship, it is very hot.


Hamlet
No, believe me, ’tis very cold; the wind is northerly.


Osric
It is indifferent cold, my lord, indeed.


Hamlet
But yet methinks it is very sultry and hot for my complexion.


Osric
Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry⁠—as ’twere⁠—I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a great wager on your head: sir, this is the matter⁠—


Hamlet
I beseech you, remember⁠—Hamlet moves him to put on his hat.


Osric
Nay, good my lord; for mine ease, in good faith. Sir, here is newly come to court Laertes; believe me, an absolute gentleman, full of most excellent differences, of very soft society and great showing: indeed, to speak feelingly of him, he is the card or calendar of gentry, for you shall find in him the continent of what part a gentleman would see.


Hamlet
Sir, his definement suffers no perdition in you; though, I know, to divide him inventorially would dizzy the arithmetic of memory, and yet but yaw neither, in respect of his quick sail. But, in the verity of extolment, I take him to be a soul of great article; and his infusion of such dearth and rareness, as, to make true diction of him, his semblable is his mirror; and who else would trace him, his umbrage, nothing more.


Osric
Your lordship speaks most infallibly of him.


Hamlet
The concernancy, sir? why do we wrap the gentleman in our more rawer breath?


Osric
Sir?


Horatio
Is’t not possible to understand in another tongue? You will do’t, sir, really.


Hamlet
What imports the nomination of this gentleman?


Osric
Of Laertes?


Horatio
His purse is empty already; all’s golden words are spent.


Hamlet
Of him, sir.


Osric
I know you are not ignorant⁠—


Hamlet
I would you did, sir; yet, in faith, if you did, it would not much approve me. Well, sir?


Osric
You are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is⁠—


Hamlet
I dare not confess that, lest I should compare with him in excellence; but, to know a man well, were to know himself.


Osric
I mean, sir, for his weapon; but in the imputation laid on him by them, in his meed he’s unfellowed.


Hamlet
What’s his weapon?


Osric
Rapier and dagger.


Hamlet
That’s two of his weapons: but, well.


Osric
The king, sir, hath wagered with him six Barbary horses: against the which he has imponed, as I take it, six French rapiers and poniards, with their assigns, as girdle, hangers, and so: three of the carriages, in faith, are very dear to fancy, very responsive to the hilts, most delicate carriages, and of very liberal conceit.


Hamlet
What call you the carriages?


Horatio
I knew you must be edified by the margent ere you had done.


Osric
The carriages, sir, are the hangers.


Hamlet
The phrase would be more german to the matter, if we could carry cannon by our sides: I would it might be hangers till then. But, on: six Barbary horses against six French swords, their assigns, and three liberal-conceited carriages; that’s the French bet against the Danish. Why is this “imponed,” as you call it?


Osric
The king, sir, hath laid, that in a dozen passes between yourself and him, he shall not exceed you three hits: he hath laid on twelve for nine; and it would come to immediate trial, if your lordship would vouchsafe the answer.


Hamlet
How if I answer “no”?


Osric
I mean, my lord, the opposition of your person in trial.


Hamlet
Sir, I will walk here in the hall: if it please his majesty, ’tis the breathing time of day with me; let the foils be brought, the gentleman willing, and the king hold his purpose, I will win for him an I can; if not, I will gain nothing but my shame and the odd hits.


Osric
Shall I re-deliver you e’en so?


Hamlet
To this effect, sir; after what flourish your nature will.


Osric
I commend my duty to your lordship.


Hamlet
Yours, yours. Exit Osric. He does well to commend it himself; there are no tongues else for’s turn.


Horatio
This lapwing runs away with the shell on his head.


Hamlet
He did comply with his dug, before he sucked it. Thus has he⁠—and many more of the same bevy that I know the drossy age dotes on⁠—only got the tune of the time and outward habit of encounter; a kind of yesty collection, which carries them through and through the most fond and winnowed opinions; and do but blow them to their trial, the bubbles are out.



Enter a Lord.


Lord
My lord, his majesty commended him to you by young Osric, who brings back to him that you attend him in the hall: he sends to know if your pleasure hold to play with Laertes, or that you will take longer time.


Hamlet
I am constant to my purpose; they follow the king’s pleasure: if his fitness speaks, mine is ready; now or whensoever, provided I be so able as now.


Lord
The king and queen and all are coming down.


Hamlet
In happy time.


Lord
The queen desires you to use some gentle entertainment to Laertes before you fall to play.


Hamlet
She well instructs me. Exit Lord.


Horatio
You will lose this wager, my lord.


Hamlet
I do not think so: since he went into France, I have been in continual practice: I shall win at the odds. But thou wouldst not think how ill all’s here about my heart: but it is no matter.


Horatio
Nay, good my lord⁠—


Hamlet
It is but foolery; but it