Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

we really ought not to leave London without going to see England while we happened to be here. But I told him that if England was the same kind of a place that London seems to be, I really know to much to bother with such a place. I mean we had quite a little quarrel because Gerald showed up at the station with a bangle for Dorothy so I told Dorothy she was well rid of such a person. So Dorothy had to come with me because  Mr. Eisman is paying her expenses because he wants Dorothy to be my chaperone.
So the last thing in London was the garden party. I sold quite a lot of red baloons and I sold a red baloon to Harry Lauder the famous Scotch gentleman who is the famous Scotch tenor for 20 pounds. So Dorothy said I did not need to buy any ticket to Paris on the boat because if I could do that, I could walk across the channel.
So Piggy does not know that we have gone but I sent him a letter and told him I would see him some time again some time. And I was really glad to get out of our rooms at the Ritz⁠—I mean 50 or 60 orchids really make a girl think of a funeral. So I cabled  Mr. Eisman and I told him we could not learn anything in London because we knew to much, so if we went to Paris at least we could learn French, if we made up our mind to it.
So I am really very very intreeged as I have heard so much about Paris and I feel that it must be much more educational than London and I can hardly wait to see the Ritz hotel in Paris.


IV
Paris Is Devine



April 27th:

Paris is devine. I mean Dorothy and I got to Paris yesterday, and it really is devine. Because the French are devine. Because when we were coming off the boat, and we were coming through the customs, it was quite hot and it seemed to smell quite a lot and all the French gentlemen in the customs, were squealing quite a lot. So I looked around and I picked out a French gentleman who was really in a very gorgeous uniform and he seemed to be a very, very important gentleman and I gave him twenty francs worth of French money and he was very very gallant and he knocked everybody else down and took our bags right through the custom. Because I really think that twenty Francs is quite cheap for a gentleman that has got on at least $100 worth of gold braid on his coat alone, to speak nothing of his trousers.
I mean the French gentlemen always seem to be squealing quite a lot, especially taxi drivers when they only get a small size yellow dime called a “fifty santeems” for a tip. But the good thing about French gentlemen is that every time a French gentleman starts in to squeal, you can always stop him with five francs, no matter who he is. I mean it is so refreshing to listen to a French gentleman stop squeaking, that it would really be quite a bargain even for ten francs.
So we came to the Ritz Hotel and the Ritz Hotel is devine. Because when a girl can sit in a delightful bar and have delicious champagne cocktails and look at all the important French people in Paris, I think it is devine. I mean when a girl can sit there and look at the Dolly sisters and Pearl White and Maybelle Gilman Corey, and  Mrs. Nash, it is beyond worlds. Because when a girl looks at  Mrs. Nash and realizes what  Mrs. Nash has got out of gentlemen, it really makes a girl hold her breath.
And when a girl walks around and reads all of the signs with all of the famous historical names it really makes you hold your breath. Because when Dorothy and I went on a walk, we only walked a few blocks but in only a few blocks we read all of the famous historical names, like Coty and Cartier and I knew we were seeing something educational at last and our whole trip was not a failure. I mean I really try to make Dorothy get educated and have reverance. So when we stood at the corner of a place called the Place Vandome, if you turn your back on a monument they have in the middle and look up, you can see none other than Coty’s sign. So I said to Dorothy, does it not really give you a thrill to realize that that is the historical spot where  Mr. Coty makes all the perfume? So then Dorothy said that she supposed  Mr. Coty came to Paris and he smelled Paris and he realized that something had to be done. So Dorothy will really never have any reverance.
So then we saw a jewelry store and we saw some jewelry in the window and it really seemed to be a very very great bargain but the price marks all had francs on them and Dorothy and I do not seem to be mathematical enough to tell how much francs is in money. So we went in and asked and it seems it was only 20 dollars and it seems it is not diamonds but it is a thing called “paste” which is the name of a word which means imitations. So Dorothy said “paste” is the name of the word a girl ought to do to a gentleman that handed her one. I mean I would really be embarrassed, but the gentleman did not seem to understand Dorothy’s english.
So it really makes a girl feel depressed to think a girl could not tell that it was nothing but an imitation. I mean a gentleman could deceeve a girl because he could give her a present and it