Battle It Out

his fingers over his lips, he dropped his hand. He had some apologizing to do to Isaac. Isaac will understand. Although, he wasn’t so sure of that. He shouldn’t have run. He should have stayed. He would have gone back inside.
But Isaac hadn’t wanted him there.

Isaac
“So, this is it?” he asked, staring at the unit’s psychiatrist.
Doc sat quietly behind his desk, not saying anything. Papers sat neatly stacked on the gray metal top along with a coffee cup.
It would be Doc’s signature that would grant him the ability to go back to active duty. To get back to his unit. Back into the thick of things, right where he belonged. With Zane. Although, after Saturday, he wasn’t so sure.
“Your medical doctor signed off,” Doc murmured.
“He did.” Isaac rubbed at his side through the army green colored t-shirt where his nicely healed scar lay hidden.
“I want to go back over everything one more time.”
“Again?” He grimaced.
“Humor me.” Doc pulled open the top drawer of his desk and emerged with a lighter. He lit the flame of the candle on the desk.
“Is that for ambiance?” he teased.
Doc snorted. “It’s to keep the smell of sweat down.”
“I’m not sweating.”
“Not yet.”
Clove and cinnamon filled the immediate air and he had to admit it was a nice touch.
“So, ask away.” He waved a hand.
“Do you regret it?”
“Getting knifed?”
Doc gave him a dark look.
“Sorry,” he said sheepishly.
“Do you regret helping with the sting.”
“I was given an order.”
Doc stared at him.
“Okay, yeah I could have declined because Colonel Cobalt always tries to give us a choice.”
“You didn’t answer the question. Do you regret it?”
“Mayer and Coulier were scum. Trafficking homeless children and extorting money from parents. No, I don’t regret the sting or taking them down. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
The doc glanced at the file. “And CPS agent Mayer led you right to Governor Van Vorst.”
“Yeah. We knew there had to be someone higher in the food chain than Councilman Coulier.”
“Then Governor Van Vorst killed Mayer,” Doc said. “Are you sorry about that?”
He rubbed at the scar Mayer had given him.
“Yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t do it myself. The guy deserved to die.” He shrugged. “You know the saying, live by the sword.”
“Some could say that about you.”
“True.” He picked at his fingernail. “The crazy thing is at first, I didn’t think Governor Van Vorst was involved. I thought Mayer ran to him to have an alibi. When Van Vorst shot Mayer in the head, it seemed surreal.”
“And that’s when you passed out.”
“From the knife wound, yeah.”
“And came to with Sergeant Gannon in a secure location.”
The secure location had been a safe house that FBI Agent Forest Taylor had arranged for them to lay low because of the three million dollar hit Van Vorst had taken out on him and Zane.
He grunted.
“How do you feel about the distance growing between you and Zane?”
What could he say, that Zane had not only been his best friend, but also his confidant? That he’d shared more with Zane than he had with any other person besides Dillon? Of course, he hadn’t told Zane every detail of his life like he had Doc, but he’d given enough hints to let Zane know growing up hadn’t been easy. That having him and Zane at odds was breaking him slowly?
If Doc thought to go back over his feelings for Zane, he could think again. He’d already hashed over the spike of awareness with Doc.
At the safe house, he’d felt like Zane had been staring at him too often. Which turned out to be all in his head.
“Like I said, it must have been my imagination. He doesn’t like me that way.” What about the hallway? He almost opened his mouth to share about that, but decided against it.
“We went over all this,” he said instead, squinting at Doc.
“This won’t be the last time we talk this over,” Doc said, and Isaac nodded, but remained quiet.
Doc changed the subject. “Good thing we’re no longer worried about the hit from Van Vorst since General Rhine had a Supreme Court judge freeze the man’s assets.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Nobody wanted the job when they found out that the asshole couldn’t pay the bounty.”
Doc studied him from across the desk. “Let’s talk about Dillon, Pia, and Blade under the orders of General Rhine taking down Governor Van Vorst.”
“What about it?”
“Did you feel left out?”
He had felt left out. In fact, he felt left out now. He needed to get back in the action.
“Yeah. I wanted to be there when both the councilman and governor were arrested. I want to be back with my unit right now,” he admitted.
“Understandable. Still having nightmares?”
“They’ve eased off a bit.”
“About your father?”
No, they hadn’t been about his no good, drunken, abusive father. They’d been about his mother. Why hadn’t she protected them? He understood it was a stupid question. She’d been abused as well. It was just that he had one burning question. Why hadn’t she taken them far away from that place?
Fucking Doc, he had a way of digging out the details.
“I don’t get why she didn’t take us away from there. I mean, I do, but I don’t.”
“Sometimes even adults find themselves in situations beyond their control. She might have thought she didn’t have a choice or anywhere to go.”
“Yeah,” he said, shifting in his chair. They’d talked about all this already, but how many times did they need to go over it?
“Have you asked her?”
Okay, that was new. He squinted at Doc.
“No.”
“Don’t you think it’s time?” Doc studied him for a long time.
“Maybe.”
“Are you still parking outside of her house?”
He nodded and gripped the arms of the chair and gazed out the window.
Doc stayed quiet.
He finally lifted his eyes. “I didn’t stop. She saw me and I didn’t stop.” His voice rasped, like he’d swallowed gravel. Her tear-filled blue eyes haunted him.
“It’s okay, Isaac. None of this is your fault.”
“I know that.” He rubbed both hands over his closed eyes before