Dearly Departing

she could’ve taken that last part back. He never talked about Aunt Alicia.
Ray thanked the waitress and gave her a generous tip. They stood outside in the gathering gloom of the early evening by Dawn’s car. She leaned against the hood and lit a cigarette.
“Well at least you’re not smoking in the car.”
Dawn shrugged. “I had a few in there last night.”
“You still haven’t answered my question. You want to travel out west together?”
Dawn took a deep drag and exhaled. “I don’t know what I want to do. I’m not going back to my apartment, and I’m sure as hell not sleeping in the airport parking lot again.”
“Forget the airport. I’m sick of planes anyway. It’s around a twenty hour drive to Kelowna and your car has a full tank of gas.”
“Really? You seriously want to drive all the way out there?”
“Why not? The weather’s good. It might be fun.” Waiting for his mother to slip away could hardly be classified as fun, he thought, but the time with his daughter might be what the both of them needed most. “When did we last spend any real time together?”
“This is crazy.” Dawn flicked her cigarette into the gutter and threw her hands up into the air. “This is all I have. No other clothes, no tooth brush or makeup. I look like shit.”
“You’re fine—a little rough around the edges, maybe, but there are dozens of shopping malls along the way. I’m sure we can get you looking half-way decent again.”
She wrapped her arms around his wide shoulders. “Yes, I’ll come with you! Thank you, Dad. Thank you so much for everything.”
Ray ended up taking his daughter to a shopping center that same evening. He sat on one of the benches between stores and made some calls while Dawn bought clothes and other essentials.
“Hey, David. How’s Mom doing now?”
“No change. She’s resting comfortably, I suppose.” There was a long pause and Ray was beginning to think the connection had been lost when his oldest brother spoke again. “I don’t know. Maybe she’s comfortable... maybe she isn’t. That part of Mom we knew and loved is gone, Ray. She just lays there now and stares up at nothing. The only thing she can do is breathe and eat. No, not even that’s right. She can swallow food if you feed it to her. She’s like a baby... a spoon-fed baby.”
It was hard for him to hear it, but Ray appreciated his brother’s honesty. “Does she... does she still look like Mom?”
“You haven’t seen her in three years. People change the most when they’re really young and really old. I won’t sugar-coat it, little brother—she won’t be the same Mom you remember.”
Ray felt a stab of guilt for not seeing her in such a long time, but he knew David wasn’t taking a shot at him. Nancy Wallace had lived a long, healthy life, and had been living on her own up until these last few days. Most of the family had ended up out west years earlier. David had been an accountant, retired in 2012 and moved to Winfield, the same small town his mother lived in on the outskirts of Kelowna. David’s wife, Charlene, still worked in a personal care home. She had gone down to part-time and looked after their mother on her days off. Bruce Wallace was selling ridiculously expensive sports cars in Vernon, less than twenty miles away.
His older brothers had done well for themselves, and they provided for Mom. She was better off out there with them and the in-laws. She was taken care of. All Ray had to do anymore was call her every Sunday. Even that simple task had become a chore.
When did I call her last?
“You still there, Ray?”
“Yeah, I’m still here.”
“Like I said, Mom’s holding her own. There’s no rush to get out here. The doctor and nurses figure she could remain this way for weeks... maybe even months.”
The word linger came to Ray’s mind. “Dawn and I are leaving first thing in the morning. We’re driving out.”
“Hey, that’s great. It’ll be nice seeing my niece again. How’s she’s doing?”
Ray could see his daughter purchasing some clothes at the counter in the store ahead of him. She looked like a homeless person. “She’s had some rough months.”
“Yeah, it’s tough being a kid these days.”
“Yeah.” Ray’s phone vibrated weakly in his hand. “My phone’s about to die. We’ll see you in a couple of days.”
“Take care of yourself, little brother. Drive safe.”
Ray went to a pay phone and called work informing them he wouldn’t be back for at least another week or two. They understood, of course, and told him to take as much additional time as needed. Ray had no intention of ever returning.
He met up with Dawn a few stores down. She was laden with colourful shopping bags. “Is there anything left in my bank account?”
She handed the debit card back to him. “I tried going easy... I only bought sale items.”
“I’m joking. Get what you need, sky’s the limit.”
“I think I’m finished. When are we heading out?”
Ray was tired. He was physically spent and mentally exhausted. Preparing to end your life twice in twenty-four hours could do that to a person. Staying in a hotel on the outskirts of the city would’ve been the smart thing to do, but Ray wanted to keep moving. He needed to get this over with. “It’s a three-and-a-half-hour drive to Rokerton. If we leave now, we should be home by midnight.”
“You look wiped, Dad. I can drive.”
“I’ll be fine. The coffee will keep me awake.”
“You sure?”
Ray grabbed half of her bags and they worked their way towards the mall entrance. “I’m sure. I’ll get a solid six or seven hours of sleep once we’re home.” They