SURVIVING SAVANNAH: GODS OF CHAOS MC (BOOK 16)

I thought I could handle it.
And I did handle it.
For a good long while, I gave it the old college try. And it was working.
Until it wasn’t.
And then, once it stopped working, once I wasn’t able to keep pretending to be happy and satisfied, and once Derek saw that — I knew it was over.
It was only a matter of time before the pain of pretending became harder than the benefits of pretending.
Many nights, Derek caught me out on the porch, staring out at the horizon, just like tonight — and he’d accuse me of wanting to be somewhere else, to be with someone else. We both knew who he meant.
As much as I tried — and oh, boy, did I try — to forget Blade, I never truly could. He was like a ghost that wouldn’t leave, his presence always lingering between the two of us.
It was good Blade was gone, but it didn’t really work so well. Even if I didn’t see him in town, he was still implanted so deeply into my heart that there was no way that ghost was going to disappear anytime soon.
Or, if ever.
I laughed as I thought about how many hours I’d spent just staring off into space, thinking about him, reliving every moment I could remember that we’d spent together. It wasn’t easy, there were so many.
We’d grown up together. I didn’t even remember meeting him, he was just always there.
First, at the park. Then, at school. Then, well everywhere I went. We traveled in the same social circles, despite the fact that we came from completely different families. Our families weren’t friends, but growing up in Savannah, back when it was smaller, it was impossible not to have some knowledge of another member of the community, even if you weren’t close. Especially as kids.
But Blake and I were something special.
We were always drawn to each other. We’d always been best friends. But as we grew older, our feelings deepened. I think most of our friends and family knew where we were headed before we did, but the first time he kissed me — next to the fountain at Bonaventure, under our favorite tree — it became crystal clear that we were meant to be together forever.
We just fit. We had magic.
We always had, and the progression of our love for each other only made sense. It was fate. As natural as a tornado, and once we’d finally sparked that initial flame, it was as strong as one too.
We loved each other fiercely.
I thought it would never end.
It was never supposed to.
For the millionth time, as I watched the sun set in the distance, the moon rising high above me, I wondered when I’d see Blade again.
This is the part of the night where I make myself stop thinking about him. I’d spent so much time waiting and wondering about him. I never knew my love for him would last so long, even without him around. If I didn’t stop thinking about him, I knew the night would last forever as I let the memory of him keep me awake.
But now that I’d seen him again, that effort was futile. My yearning would inevitably start over and I knew I wouldn’t rest again tonight.
I took another sip of wine, resigned to giving up another night of my life to thinking about him.
The roar of an engine broke the silence, the sudden movement on my rural street causing the roosting crows to call out from their perch in the tree at the end of my driveway.
He was recognizable immediately, of course. There is nobody in the world that holds himself the way Blade does, and if that wasn’t enough, the sight of that old familiar bike was a dead giveaway.
I gasped, putting down my glass and standing up, my long, floral, cotton skirt blowing in the breeze behind me. I pushed my hair out of my face, then shielded my eyes from the golden setting sun, squinting to get a better look at him. He was too far away to make eye contact, but my heart sped up anyway, knowing he was once again so very close.
He’d come to see me, I thought, joy flooding my heart.
I waited for him to turn into my driveway, frozen, my breath caught in my throat, and then — he didn’t. He kept going, driving by without seeming to even look my way.
Without realizing it, my hand had risen to wave at him, and I froze, letting it drop slowly as I watched him drive away, the crack in my heart widening just a little as he disappeared around the curve down the road.

Chapter 16
BLADE
With the beams of orange sunlight bathing her porch, her long blonde hair blowing behind her, her skirt billowing around her legs, Rose looked like something out of a movie.
I couldn’t breathe.
I don’t know why I came. Like a fool, I guess I wanted to torture myself.
I deserved the misery. I did this shit to myself.
The urge to go see her was overwhelming, especially now that Sera told me she was single again. Not that it was any of my business, of course. But once I started rolling, I thought maybe it wouldn’t hurt if I just drove by her place.
Yeah, it was a little out the way, a bit on the outskirts of town. I didn’t expect her to be sitting on the porch looking like a damned angel in her sundress bathed in sunlight, though.
I should have turned into that driveway and marched up those damned porch stairs and taken her in my arms and kissed her, the way I’d always imagined I would. I could have easily done that.
But, still, something stopped me.
If she wanted to see me again, she would have said so at the park. She would have tried to make plans, maybe invited me over for coffee or something. But that didn’t happen. She let me walk away, and I walked.
Driving to her house