Blood Loss

me.
I look at the picture again and have the sudden urge to throw the book across the room. Instead, I put it down carefully and take a deep breath. I make my way to the farthest toilets to be alone because my thoughts are taking me to Robert. I’d believed he loved me. As I sit in a cubicle with my head in my hands I’m back in the log cabin in the Tay Forest. I’m tidying the kitchen from the meal I’d prepared the night before and Robert has wandered into one of the bedrooms to stare out of the window.
‘I could stand here and look at this view all day,’ he says. ‘It’s a shame we have to leave today.’
‘Why don’t we stay another night? I’m not back at work until Tuesday.’
‘We have to be out by noon as the next booking will arrive.’
‘Booking? Do you let the place out?’ I stand in the doorway, drying the kitchen knife with the brightly patterned tea towel.
‘No, I rented it off the owner for the week.’ He continues to gaze out of the window. I don’t understand. I thought he owned the lodge. He’s so familiar with the place. ‘But you’ve been here before?’
‘I’ve rented it with Victoria a couple of times.’
The mention of his wife’s name has tension squeezing my neck. ‘How could you bring me here, to a place you’ve visited with your wife?’ Jesus! What was he thinking? ‘I’m sure you told me you owned this place. What else have you lied about?’ Specifically, has he lied about his feelings for me?
Robert turns to look at me and I’m shocked at the cold expression on his face. ‘I can’t do it, Sarah. I’m sorry.’
‘Can’t do what?’ I ask, but I already know. My legs weaken, and it’s as though my body is a hollow vessel being filled with icy water.
He isn’t going to leave her. His promises and our plans of a bright future together are empty. I’m just his bit on the side. A quick shag. Nothing more. Now he’s tired of me and all my dreams of a happy family life will only ever be a fantasy. I hold the door frame for support, sucking breath into my lungs. How dare he discard me like this? How dare he?
‘I can’t leave her,’ he says. ‘She’s not well and needs me.’
‘Then why are we here?’ I try to keep my voice steady but I can feel pressure building inside me. He told me his future lay with me, not his wife.
‘I wanted one last week with you before I said goodbye.’
‘You told me you loved me. I thought we’d get married, have children. You can’t do this to me. I trusted you.’
‘Married? Whatever gave you that idea?’ His voice is mild. Innocent. But he can’t keep the curl from his lip. It tells me he’s never seriously considered settling down with me. I’m not good enough.
He’s no better than my father, making me feel worthless, unlovable. A piece of shit. I’ve tried so hard to please Robert but it’s all been for nothing.
He steps towards me. ‘We’ve had fun so no hard feelings, eh?’
‘No hard feelings? You’ve used me and lied to me.’
‘That’s a bit strong. You enjoyed the sex as much as I did. I never said we’d marry and have kids.’ He smiles and leans closer. ‘You’re a lovely girl, but I’ve decided I don’t want to live with you.’
Being together for the week must have changed his mind. What a callous way to tell me, though. My heartbeat quickens, pumping the ice from my veins to replace it with fire. Fire that balls in my chest then erupts in a scream. ‘You bastard!’
‘We all know women love a bastard.’ He raises his eyebrows. ‘Maybe we could still have sex occasionally.’ He brushes his hand across my breast.
I push him away and point the knife at him.
‘Don’t touch me,’ I hiss.
‘What are you going to do? Stab me? You wouldn’t dare.’ He laughs in my face. Actually laughs at me, so when he reaches for me again, I jab the knife at him and nick his arm.
His reaction is swift and my head explodes with stars as his fist connects with full force on the bridge of my nose. I stagger back in disbelief. I thought Robert was different. I thought I’d found a decent man at last. He is just like my father.
Something shifts in my brain and now I’m lunging at him, thrusting, thrusting to silence his derision and ridicule. Thrusting until all I can see is the colour red.

Chapter 16


February | DI Paton
Cheryl held the sign up as people walked through from Arrivals. Paton scanned the faces as they approached, looking for a flicker of recognition at the name they were displaying. As the flow of people dwindled to a trickle he glanced about for a woman standing alone. Had they missed her?
‘Hello.’ A tall woman with long brown hair stopped in front of Cheryl. She was clutching a small leather holdall as though it was a security blanket and her soft brown eyes were wide with obvious dread. ‘I’m Victoria Nash.’ Her voice immediately conjured up images of ponies, private school and a charming detached house in the suburbs.
Paton extended his hand and gave her an encouraging smile as he introduced himself and Cheryl. ‘We’re very grateful to you for coming,’ he said. ‘How was your flight?’
She frowned as though she couldn’t remember how she got there. ‘It was fine,’ she said absently, looking around. Her eyes rested on a couple embracing each other in a warm welcome and she pressed her lips together as she turned away.
‘Do you need a drink or anything before we leave?’ Cheryl asked. ‘It’s a two-hour drive to Perth.’
‘Just the cloakroom,’ Mrs Nash said, and hurried across the concourse towards the sign for the Ladies’ toilet.
‘Wait for her,’ Paton advised Cheryl. ‘The poor woman looks distraught. I’ll get some drinks to take with