In Her Dreams

in a way that is grounding.
At least Josh won’t judge us for bonding. Human men and women have odd ideas about how much men can touch. But women can do anything with each other, and it’s just normal.
It’s so strange to me because we all need physical touch and to bond with our friends.
“Tell us what happened,” Josh says. “I promise it’ll help.”
I sink forward, pushing away Lorien’s hand as I put my head in my hands, groaning. “I screwed up. I screwed up so bad.” I raise my eyes, giving Lorien and Josh a haunted look. “I wanted to show I was different. Trustworthy. Now I look like a violent monster.”
Josh just grins, but Lorien’s eyes widen in worried shock.
“What happened?” Lorien says. “Did your dream link break?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Oh no.” He stands, rolling up his sleeves. “That means they’re coming for you. Don’t worry. We won’t let them take you, right, Josh?”
Josh, who’s still sitting, merely raises an eyebrow. “Let him finish.”
I look at Lorien. “I don’t think they will. I didn’t kill anyone.” I close my eyes in pain. “Jerrek stopped me. I don’t know what I would have done.”
“I know that feeling,” Lorien says, sitting down again. “I tried to apply reflexive punishment on gang rapists, and they all chose death.”
I rub my face, feeling like puking. “The rules don’t work here. I feel too much rage to punish properly.” I give Lorien a look full of the horror I feel. “What is the appropriate punishment for someone who has hurt my dream mate? The woman who mothered his child? What is the right thing to do? Me hitting him could never be equal.” I sigh. “If only Jen knew her strength, he’d never be able to touch her again. But right now, she thinks she’s human. And all I could think was that I needed to protect her.”
Josh lets out a snort. “I’m honestly not seeing the problem here. If that guy is a wife-beater—”
Lorien hisses. “Was he? Was he really, Reve?”
I nod. “Apparently. I only found out when he showed up.” I sigh. “I don’t know what came over me. It’s not my place to kill.” I scowl. “But I wanted him dead. I still want him dead, to be honest.”
“Want me to do it?” Josh asks, grinning at us. Just a hint of rainbow flashes in his irises, giving us a glimpse of who he might have been. “I don’t care what the dream fae try to do.”
“Whatever you did, he deserved,” Lorien says carefully. He pats and then rubs my back. “Seriously, Reve. It’s traumatic, some of the things that happen in this world with untrained, unwatched warriors. But as unpleasant as it is, it’s our job to use our strength to counter nightmares. You’ve done nothing wrong. In a broken world, there are no easy solutions.”
I put my head in my hands again, grief moving through me. “But Joey, her son, saw me—”
“She has a son?” Lorien asks. “Wow, Jerrek hid it from all of us.”
“He respects her privacy,” I say. “He’s been gaming with her son, though, as part of his surveillance.”
“Kinda creepy,” Josh says.
My gaze snaps to him. “Jerrek would never be creepy. He’s an excellent bodyguard. Skilled in physical combat—”
“Right, right,” Josh says. “Just from a human perspective—”
Lorien swallows. “That’s right. In this world… I can’t think of it.” He looks pale. “I’m sorry, but I lose myself when we talk of human evil as well.” He looks at me. “I’m sure they don’t hate you. Both Josh and I think you did the right thing.”
“But she loved him, presumably, at one point. Maybe Joey does too. I was out of line… I wanted to kill him.”
“Listen,” Josh says, walking over to grab me by the lapels of my robe and pull me up. “What you did was awesome. I wish I could see some abuser get the shit whipped out of him. I presume you whipped the shit out of him? You’re kind of a goody-two-shoes, so I doubt you used anything but your whip.”
I nod.
He sets me on my feet and brushes off my lapel as he hands me a piece of pizza. “Look, eat this, and let’s get you back to your mate. You’re not going to do any good avoiding them.”
I take the piece of pizza, eyeing it dubiously. But when I bite in, it’s warm and satisfying, and I slowly feel myself calm.
“I highly doubt anyone will be mad at you once you explain.”
I finish the pizza in a few more bites, then put my hands on my hips with a sigh. “How am I supposed to explain whipping a man within an inch of his life?”
Josh grins, lifting another piece of pizza to his lips. “No explanation when we all agree the man deserves it.”
“But Joey—”
“Probably thinks you’re a hero right now. He’s smart.”
“Jen—”
“Knows you can protect her,” Josh says. “Look, one thing about the women in this world is they like being protected by the right guy. There’s a lot of brutality, so having someone strong who can also be trusted is a benefit. Trust me. She’s probably hot for you right now.”
I stare at him blankly. “Hot? For a monster?”
“Not a monster,” Josh says, shaking his head. “A monster hunter. Look, either way, this won’t get solved by us, so go back and face them. You owe them at least that. If they truly hate you, come back here. But I really don’t think anyone is going to see this as a loss.”
I think about it for a moment, but my heart is still pounding painfully.
I lost control. I’m so ashamed of it.
Josh points his pizza at me. “Plus, don’t you think your mate needs you right now? Don’t you think it was scary for her?”
I blink, then nod at Lorien as I disappear immediately in a puff of smoke, focusing on the stream that leads to my soul bond.
No amount of shame or anything else I feel can keep