Saved by the Devil (Devils Arms Book 3)

other.
“I know but I just got them back, Peanut. I can’t stand the thought of something happening to them. I don’t get how you’re so calm about the possibility that something could happen to Jasmine.” Rage looked at him seriously.
“I’m not calm. I’ve done everything I can to make her as prepared as she can be. I’ve trained Jasmine to go to the panic room if something happens and I taught her how to take down a bigger opponent. I also told her who to call if I’m not able to help her. None of this makes me calm, but it helps. I know I’ve done everything in my power to keep her safe and I pray like hell that it’s enough. There are no guarantees in life, we both know that.”
“Damn, I know what you’re saying is true but how the hell do I survive it if they get hurt because of me? How do I stay sane if they die because I’m part of the club?” Rage asked.
“How do you know something mundane like a car wreck or an illness isn’t going to take them, Rage? It’s life and sometimes shit happens. You just have to make peace with it and if you can’t, you end up living like Jitter does,” Peanut said.
Jitter was one of the older brothers in the club. He’d lost his old lady and son years ago because he just couldn’t believe they were safe. It had taken Tina about four years to get fed up with his constant confinement and ridiculous rules. Jitter had tried hard to wrap them in cotton wool but it had only caused a rift between them. He’d ended up alone and cranky.
Peanut’s eyes were still on the kids who were unaware of the heavy conversation happening between their fathers as they played. Peanut watched Jazzy tease Cody from the top of the slide. When Cody started up the slide she ran to the ladder and began climbing down. Not to be outdone, Cody slid back down and ran around, tagging her leg before she could scramble back up.
“How am I supposed to make peace with the fact that I could lose them at any moment?” Rage asked, his eyes haunted.
“You just have to live. Appreciate them and do everything you can to protect them without putting them in a bubble. It’s all any of us can do. Sometimes bad shit happens like with Jazzy’s mother. Susie didn’t do anything to deserve getting ovarian cancer and yet she’s dead. Yet here I am still breathing, a man who’s done a lot of bad shit is still here raising her daughter. You can’t protect them from life, Rage, and the harder you try the more worried you will become until life isn’t something you’re living, it’s something you’re dreading. Just let go and enjoy the time you have with them. Either it’s going to be a long time or a short time, but every minute you get to live it with them will be a good one.” Rage punched him in the arm, making him glance away from the kids to look at his friend.
“When the hell did you get so damned philosophical?”
“I guess when I realized a woman I barely knew was dying and because it hurt Jasmine, it hurt me. Those months right after Susie died were some of the hardest of my life. Jasmine was a mess and I didn’t know how to handle it. I learned to take it one day at a time and to appreciate the good days even when there were more bad ones.”
Peanut had never really talked to anyone except Viking about Susie’s death. None of his brothers had asked him about it because they all knew her death was hard for him. Even though he hadn’t loved her they could see the damage it had done to him and Jasmine. Many of them had lent a hand when she was sick, but they hadn’t discussed how he felt about it or how her death had changed him. Living with Jasmine and Susie while Susie was sick had taught him to appreciate life in ways he never had before she’d shown up on his doorstep.
Peanut wouldn’t change what happened despite the pain it had wrought on him and his daughter. He knew that if Susie hadn’t gotten sick he never would have been a father. She never would have brought Jasmine to him and that would mean he’d still be stuck in that sad little cycle of partying and uselessness. At the time he hadn’t realized how badly he’d needed a reason to step up and be a man, but he knew now, and he was damned glad he’d been given the opportunity.
“I didn’t realize it was that hard on you. If I’d known—” Rage began but Peanut cut him off.
“If you’d known there wouldn’t have been a damned thing you could have done, Rage. Jasmine took her mom’s death hard and despite the fact that she’d been living with me for months she was a mess. We needed exactly what you and the club gave us. Space—the space to learn each other and to become a family. Nothing anyone did then would have helped with that. We needed time which we got, and you and the club gave me a break when I needed it. It’s not something I feel you or anyone else did wrong. Everyone was there for us and you all helped, either by cooking or helping us to find our footing as a family. I didn’t bring it up to make you feel like you failed us. I brought it up so you would remember that life has a way of working itself out and we just have to let it.”
“Yeah, alright. I get what you’re saying but I’m not sure I can be as calm about what’s going on as