Monachopsis

I had so many unanswered questions whirling around in my mind.
I stood on unsteady legs. What I felt was almost unbearable, but now that agony turned to a cold emptiness. I didn't feel anything anymore. I wiped my tears away with the backs of my hands, smoothed down my dress and walked into the kitchen.
I turned the cold water on and ran my hands under it. Blood washed down the drain and I was able to pull the last of the splinters out. I turned the faucet off before walking back toward the ballroom.
After scanning the room, I went over to my parents who were by the grand piano, mingling with pack members.
"I need to speak with you both privately," I said, yet I hardly recognized my own voice.
I could see the worry in their eyes. They excused themselves and followed me to the meeting room.
My mother, Sage, was the first to speak as she wrapped her arms around my frame. "Sophia, honey, what happened?" I nuzzled my face into her auburn hair.
My father, Shawn, said, "I'll take care of it. You need to tell us what happened."
"I was rejected." The words sounded foreign in my ears.
Finding a mate was what every girl dreamed of since childhood. I was no exception.
My mother's hold on me tightened. My father, visibly fighting his wolf, struggled not to transform.
"Who?" My father growled.
"Dad, please."
I didn't want him to make a scene. He was the Alpha and was held to a standard, something he took seriously. He couldn't damage his reputation.
"Oh baby, I've heard the pain of rejection is almost unbearable..." Mom stroked my hair.
"It felt like my soul was being ripped into pieces over repeatedly. Then everything just stopped. I feel numb now," I mumbled.
"From what I've read about rejection, you'll feel devastation, pain, and sorrow all at once then you go numb. But then all that is replaced by anger." Dad gritted his teeth. "Don't give in to that anger. You may never return from it."
Mom pulled back grabbing my hands. "What happened?"
I stared down at my pale hands. Red holes and scrapes were just started to heal up from the splinters. Werewolves heal fast but this had taken longer than usual. I wondered if rejection could lower my healing rate.
"I was holding onto a shelf in the pantry when he rejected me. The pain must have made me squeeze too tightly, and I crushed the board. I got the splinters out," I said.
The door to the meeting room opened as Riley, Xavier, and Ivy walked in, shutting the door behind them.
The sight of Ivy stung me. My heart shot a lightning bolt of pain through my body and I swallowed hard.
"What happened?" Riley asked.
I shook my head as I stepped back away from my mother.
"Who rejected you?" My father's words seared my soul once again with the mere thought of Nolan and being rejected.
Xavier's eyes blazed with anger as he let out a deadly growl. "What the fuck?"
"It was Nolan," Ivy spoke for me; her voice was composed and indifferent.
All their heads whipped toward her.
Anger riled up inside of me. "He rejected me for you."
"I know."
"Ivy, how could you let this happen?" Dad growled.
"I told you you shouldn't get involved with a werewolf that hadn't met their mate!" Mom snapped, walking toward her.
Her eyes pooled with unshed tears. "I was grieving! Nolan was there for me when Jackson died. Is it wrong to have fallen for him when he was the only one there to hold me through that pain?"
"You just told us how Nolan was only a distraction to you!" Riley got in her face.
"Ivy. We were all there for you after Jackson's death. You cannot use your deceased mate as a scapegoat," Mom said, placing a hand on Riley's shoulder to move her slightly.
"He's made his choice. I'm sorry..." She cried, burying her face in her hands.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I can't have her in here."
"Your sister's soul is breaking. Rejection is powerful enough to kill werewolves. If Sophia wasn't of Alpha blood, she would be dead," Dad clenched his jaw tight.
"I want to tear his fucking throat out. Honestly, I'm not your biggest fan right now either, Ivy." Xavier's fists clenched.
I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to block out their voices. Another wave of anger wracked my body; my wolf begged to be let loose. I couldn't listen to this any longer.
"This is irreversible. Nolan will never change his mind, and I don't want him to. Not if I wasn't everything he wanted from the start." I stalked toward Ivy as my claws extended from my nails, tearing through my flesh. "I don't want him either." With that, I walked past her and out the door.

The moon hung full, monopolizing the sky as the dark green ripples of the river tumbled over one another. I pulled my cardigan tight as the autumn breeze blew across my skin. My bare feet were cold from standing on my back deck, but I welcomed the bitter feeling. It was better to feel bitter than feel nothing at all.
Ever since my mate rejected me two years ago, I was haunted by a single word: monachopsis. It represented the subtle yet tenacious feeling of being out of place. It summed up my existence.
Not long after my rejection, I moved out of the pack house and into a little cottage nestled in beside a waterfall. I couldn't stand watching Ivy and Nolan together. It was nice being able to get away from it all.
"Sophia, they just got here. Everyone is in the living room," Riley said from behind me.
"Everyone?" I asked, not moving my gaze from the perpetual waterfall.
"He's not here, but she is."
I turned away from the scenery to face my sister. Her eyes softened as she gave me a small smile.
"Do you want me to call Xavier over?" she asked.
"He'll be over later tonight." I walked past her, and she followed as we entered my cottage, relocating