Topsy Turvy Kinda Love
rest of the food to the table. Eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, and fruit. He’s made a feast.“So, what about you?” I ask him. I spilled some of the crap in my life last night and now I want to hear about him.
“What do you want to know?”
“Where you grew up, what school you went to, what your hobbies were…”
“We called it the compound. A bunch of religious nuts living under one roof, not interacting with the outside world because our leaders believed that by not doing it, we were pure. They chose who we would marry. Some men were offered more than one wife if they were true believers. Any children brought up in the fold were told to think and act a certain way. Outsiders were an abomination. Our schooling was based on religion and the one true way to God. We were raised on fear. Fear of speaking out against the leaders or believing something other than what we were supposed to. Everyone on that compound has a job too. You work for the leaders in some way, supporting everyone else. Farming, practicing law, doctors, we had it all.”
“It makes a lot of sense. The way you interact. How you first acted toward people when you first showed up at Topsy Turvy. You were literally learning how life outside those walls worked.”
“Was I that weird?”
“Honestly, you were pretty strange. I accepted it because weird is my thing, and you started to grow on me.” I pause quickly before my next thought hits. “Wait, so you didn’t get to do all the normal kid things growing up? Sneaking out late at night, throwing parties, any of it?”
“Nope, my parents were fairly strict. Don’t get me wrong, I snuck out and hung with friends every once in a while. Some of the guys would grab their parents’ liquor stashes and we’d sneak out into the fields late at night and drink. Always had to be in bed by the time your parents woke up in the morning. Else your hide got tanned. My parents had my whole life planned out for me, but I wanted more.”
“What do you mean by more?”
He rakes his fingers through his dark brown hair. “I didnt want to be told how to live my life and who to marry. I wanted to find someone, fall in love, and have kids. I didn’t want to be forced to be a husband to more than one woman. My town was like its own mini cult. You did what you were told. Marrying who you were told. It wasn’t just a religion there, it was a lifestyle. You followed the teachings. You played by the rules, or you dealt with the religious justice mafia. That’s what they called themselves.”
He sighs. “Making furniture was a fun side job, but that’s about the only part of my previous life I enjoyed. I wanted to see other places. Live a little.”
I shove another spoonful of eggs into my face like a fat kid eating cake. It’s fascinating hearing about this way of life. I thought I was rebellious, they’d surely throw me in purgatory for my life choices. “And moving here… was it worth it?”
“Sure was. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met you, and we wouldn’t be here now. So yeah, definitely worth it.”
Cue the swooning and dopey grin. I can’t help it. He’s making me cave, and damn it, I really want to.
Shut it down, Mia. Stop the swoon. Stop the swoon NOW!
“Do you ever want to go back?”
“Nope. Nothing left for me there. Truth is, I was always an outsider. As soon as I left, it felt like a weight lifted off my chest. Couldn’t tell them I was leaving, or the justice mafia would make it difficult, so that didn’t happen. I snuck out one night with just a duffle bag knowing I’d never be welcome again. For once, something made sense, leaving the compound behind.”
“So, you’ll never see your family again?”
“Probably not. They didn’t seem to see me even when I was standing right in front of them. You were expected to be seen and not heard. To obey no matter what you thought. I was never a child. I was an instrument to be used. To be cultivated into the perfect believer and the second, I questioned something I was smacked down for voicing it.”
Sadness consumes me, and I blink away the quickly forming tears. My heart hurts for him. I can see the pain behind his eyes as he talks about his family and what he’s left behind. I believe he truly is happy, but at the same time, I can tell it bothers him. I don’t feel emotions. I’ve spent so much time shutting them from my life that I appear to be losing my damn mind. I’ve cried more times in the last day than over the last three years of my life.
“I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, Brooks. I guess you could say my childhood was similar. They never cared about me a day in my life. It says a lot about your parents when they flat out tell you they didn’t want you. Going day to day wondering if you’ll get fed or if you’ll have a roof over your head. My parents only cared about money and what it could buy them. My father spent the money he did have cheating on my mother with every other Betty in town.”
A weight sits on my chest talking about it. The memories hurt. The feelings swarm me.
“I’ve always been an afterthought. Shoved around, forgotten. I can’t even remember a day when my parents were ever happy together. A day when they weren’t threatening each other with bodily harm or my mother going into her room to dose herself with her new brand of illegal medication for the week… ” A shiver tears up my back thinking about every time my mother had gotten so high. The things she said…
“Well, I