Topsy Turvy Kinda Love
more about you than he lets on. From everything I’ve heard, I’d say that man is in love with you and just wants to be there for you. He didn’t want a marriage with you based on the fact that he got you knocked up. He sounds honest to me.”I sigh. “But I don’t know how to let him in.”
“Let him earn your trust. Give him little details about you. Form a relationship, a bond. I know how much you like sex, Mia, but there’s more to a relationship than that. Do you even know his favorite color? Where did he go to school? Where was he born? What’s his favorite food? These are all questions you find out as you build a relationship. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are relationships. They take work and commitment. You have to decide if you’re in it for the long run or not.”
“His favorite color is blue. He came from a compound in the middle of nowhere. I know those things. It’s just we’re going to always be connected by this little one now, and I don’t want there to be drama over it.”
She reaches over and rubs my arm as I shove another scoop of ice cream into my face like a fat kid. “Then don’t let there be drama. I think honestly, you’re blowing it a little out of proportion. Have you thought about it from his perspective?”
I stare at her like she’s speaking a foreign language. “Wait, you agree with him?”
She puts her hands up in defense. “No, hear me out. I’m just saying that maybe it’s time to give him some slack. Stop acting like he’s going to fuck you over like every other man in your life did and give the guy a chance to prove himself. Maybe he needs a do-over. Obviously, he knows you aren’t ready for commitment, but you said so yourself that he asked to be there for the both of you. Regardless, you need to take a chill pill. All this stress is not good for the baby.”
I rub my hand over my belly. I still can’t believe it, but she’s right. It’s no longer just about me. It’s me and the little nugget now.
“Maybe you’re right. It’s entirely possible that I was a little out of line with how I handled things, but it’s a lot to take in. Plus, he’s my main dick and I’m a horny little freak these days. It’s all I think about—ice cream, dill pickles, and Brooks’ dick. It’s seriously becoming a problem.”
“I’m fairly positive he could help you with that problem if you let him.”
A tear slides down my cheek. “I guess I just don’t know what to think or how to feel about all of it. I’m confused, and I can’t tell if it’s the pregnancy talking or true feelings I have.”
“Sweetie, it’s okay to be confused. I’m sure he’ll be making it up to you for a while. Saying he wasn’t going to propose probably wasn’t the best knee jerk reaction, and I’m sure at this point, he knows it. I bet he’ll try and fix this between you two. It seems like he really cares for you.”
“Yeah… I’m sorry I’m such a basket case. I’m just so messed up.”
“Mia, it’s expected. You found out you were pregnant, what, two days ago? I think you have a right to be all out of sorts.”
“Yeah.”
“So, tell me what else is new? Get your mind off it.”
“Brooks got me into the Rising Tides Art Gallery for a showing.”
“Wow, that’s amazing. Are you going to do it?”
“I don’t know…”
“You need to do this, Mia. Do it for yourself. Don’t do it for him. You’ve kept those paintings locked up for too long and you deserve it.”
“But…”
“No. No ifs, ands, or buts. Your art deserves to be seen.”
“But it is seen. I show it at other galleries.”
“But those galleries aren’t Rising Tides. You’ve been talking about exhibiting there for years, Mia. Years… So you’re doing it. If I have to come and drag your butt there myself.”
“Okay, then.”
“Good. Glad we had that talk. I’d suggest waiting until after the pregnancy if they’ll let you.”
“Good point. You know, I’ve really missed you, Mace. Maybe next time, it won’t take me getting knocked up and into a fight with Brooks to get you to hang out with me. I mean, I know I don’t have Trevor dick, but still…”
“I’ve missed you too, girl.”
I laugh as my conversation with Zara comes back into my head. “Speaking of which, did you know that a blue whale penis is called a dork?”
“No, I didn’t, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me all about it.” And I do just that. We spend the rest of the day and evening catching up and laughing. We have a light dinner and call it a night. I’ve missed Macy.
For years we’ve been attached at the hip, and then she’d fallen in love and gotten married, leaving me. I don’t blame her. After Trevor got his head out of his ass, he’d become everything she needed in a man, and I’m so happy for them.
Thinking about them makes my mind drift back to Brooks. I wonder how his day’s going. I miss him. I can admit it to myself.
My heart hurts being apart from him. It makes sense after my talk with Macy about why he did what he did, but that doesn’t make it any better. I guess I just need to lay my heart out on the line and hope he doesn’t jigsaw it apart. Although he’d hurt my feelings, I don’t feel any burning desire to walk away from him. In fact, walking away from him would be like a dagger straight to the heart at this point.
I cry myself to sleep that night. For once, I just let all my thoughts and emotions flow freely.
My stomach woke me up again, bright and early this morning. I hate