Lost and Found Pieces 2

Then something had tickled her fingers. Oh, God, the call cord next to the toilet. Even as he’d shoved himself inside her, and tears had coursed down her cheeks, she’d yanked that cord for all she was worth.
“Hey, Roz, you okay?”
Jerking, she blinked at Mac. He hadn’t moved in to loom over her and she appreciated that. “Yes, I’m fine.”
Moving to the table he sat across from her, keeping solid eye contact. “I know tonight was stressful, but you need to remember how it made you feel to walk into that coffee shop and order that cup. How vindicating it felt. Yes, it’s just coffee, but you need to look at the bigger picture.”
Roz nodded, buoyed by the calm directness in his rumbly voice. He was right. It had been an incredibly thrilling, difficult thing to do. “I want to do it again,” she told him.
Mac gave her a slow grin. “Good. That’s very good.”
He began unpacking the bag, handing her the carton of steamed rice, then the carton of orange chicken. Roz scooped both onto her plate, feeling somehow…stronger in her skin.
“The Christmas lights were pretty,” she said softly. “They twinkled like fairy lights.”
“I love the lights,” Mac told her. “All the people running around like idiots? Not so much. But I really do love the lights. And tinsel. Remember the old string tinsel you had to fling up onto the tree because it was so light?”
“Yes,” she breathed. “That stuff was such a pain to clean up afterwards. But it was beautiful, you’re right.”
Leaning her chin on her hand, she thought about her son when he was a baby. He had loved Christmas too, though not as much as she had. He’d tolerated the little traditions they’d done together, baking cookies and handing out little gift boxes of treats to neighbors and coworkers. She’d tried to instill in him a sense of goodwill and charity. Perhaps that sense of charity had worked too well, considering he was leaving the country over the holidays…
Times had been different, then. Yes, there had been bad in the world, but it hadn’t really affected them, if that made sense. They had their little bubble of happiness.
She’d tried to create a similar bubble here, and for the most part she had, but the security was beginning to chafe. The world continued to rotate and life went on.
Years ago, she’d been so active in the community. It had seemed like they were always on the go, to school functions and band functions when Trevor was in school, and the occasional church function outside it. As a nurse she’d had a lot of healthy friendships. Most of them had gone by the wayside now, and she regretted that. She realized it was her fault that they’d disintegrated, but at the time she’d had to focus on herself. Was it too late to reach out to a few of them?
Andromeda was her closest female friend now. When the rape case had finally gone to court Roz had been a wreck, but Andromeda had gone above and beyond to help her as her lawyer. Once the court case was concluded and the guy sent to prison, Roz had worried that Andromeda would want to move on, but surprisingly, their friendship had continued. Roz appreciated Andy because she understood her neuroses, her need to retreat, and didn’t belittle her or nag her about it. Quite regularly, though, Roz would get references for counselors in her area.
Though she hadn’t told Andy she’d been seeing one of them for the past couple of years. She didn’t go every week or anything, but every few months when things started to feel too tight in her chest and heart.
Roz realized suddenly that she hadn’t been to see Dr. Rand for a while. When was the last time she’d seen him? Before the mess in Columbus when Mac had saved her? Yeah, she thought so. Damn. She tried to analyze her feelings like the shrinks did, but all that registered was that she should have been feeling claustrophobic by now, choked off, but she wasn’t.
Was Mac the reason why? His being in her house was the only thing that had changed.
She blinked, her eyes drawn to his big form across from her. For as long as she’d been up here she’d been alone, but Mac… he fit into her life like he was meant to be here. After the attack in Andy’s condo, Roz had been feeling devastated, memories of the last attack beating a rhythm against the shell she’d created to protect herself, trying to batter it down. Mac had been there to support her, and at the time she’d needed that support. She hadn’t been able to let him go.
As she watched him stand up and take her plate to the sink, she realized how utterly selfish she had been. Mac had basically put his life on hold to come up on this mountain and give her the safety she thought she needed. What had he given up for her? They’d been here for months. Other than the occasional trip to town to stock up on books and supplies, he hadn’t gone anywhere.
“Mac, I’m sorry.”
He glanced at her as he retrieved his own plate and silverware, carrying them to the sink. “What for?”
She waited for him to turn back around. “I’m sorry for taking you away from your life. I’m sorry for being a needy, pouty, whiny bitch.”
He barked out a booming laugh. “Is that what you’ve been?” he asked, settling into the chair and propping his elbows on the table. His bright blue eyes pinned her and Roz frowned, considering.
“Yes, that’s how I feel. You picked up and moved down here with me on the literal spur of the moment and I don’t think I’ve told you how much I appreciated that.”
His eyes crinkled as he smiled slightly. “I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t feel like it. As beautiful as you are if I didn’t want