HIM
you not crying over your father? You're selfish. Am I?I start to shiver but stay standing here, staring at myself. I give myself a blank stare as if I've turned into a zombie. I finally snap out of it and wrap myself in a towel then head to my room. I sit down on the edge of my bed and sob hard into the palms of my hands. I need to cry; I need to let my emotions out. It's necessary. I miss my dad so much. Why was he taken from me?
I cannot do today; I'm not ready for any of this.
I collect myself a bit and lift my suitcase off my floor before hurling it on my bed. I grab a pair of my seamless panties and a nude bra. I slip them on and sit on the edge of my bed again, staring at the floor, dragging my toes back and forth over the carpet. You can do this; you need to do this for him. You can do this; it's now or never. I prefer never.
I dig through the clothes I brought. I pull out a white button-up blouse, navy blue pencil skirt, and nude heels. My dad loved blue, especially dark blue, though he hated it when I dressed up as a businesswoman. He preferred when I was full of grease and anti-seize.
I head back to the bathroom before getting dressed, to do my hair, and some light makes up. I need to cover up these dark circles under my eyes from crying and lack of sleep. However, I have slept surprisingly well and quite a lot, despite a few odd dreams, since I've been home. If my dad was here, it would be early to rise, not waste the day or the sunlight, he'd say. He wanted to make use of his entire day to maximize his productivity. He was a consummate professional or overly motivated.
I straighten my hair and push it back in a low ponytail, apply some concealer under my puffy eyes, and brush on some mascara. I head back to my room and get dressed. I do not check myself in the mirror before heading downstairs. I drift off back into a numb state as I cannot recall much of myself walking down the stairs and into the kitchen. I do not feel like myself at all, but I need to get hold of myself.
I come back to when I realize I'm standing in front of the fridge, and the cold air hits my face. I grab an apple and milk and pour myself a glass. I sit down at the dining room table and stare out the window. The dream comes flooding back, the one I had a few days ago about how my father was standing here and staring out of the same window. This dream keeps playing over and over in my head.
A knock at the door releases me from my thoughts. I head over to open the door. Jason stands before me in khakis and a black button-up shirt, with his hair combed perfectly. He looks so handsome. Jason knows how to carry himself. He is a ladies' man, and despite the fact I do not have any feelings for him other than brotherly, he always impresses me with his dress sense. He usually dresses like a country boy, but he loves to dress to impress when the time comes.
I smile at him and wrap my arms around his chest. He holds me tightly in silence while resting his cheek on top of my head. We embrace for what seems like five long minutes before we part.
"Are you ready?" Jason asks.
"As ready I can be, I guess," I reply, trying not to cry.
I have cried enough already, and now it is time for me to take care of business. Business that I quite frankly do not wish to be part of, but I must be. I grab my purse, and we head out the door. Jason rests his hand on the small of my back as we walk towards his parent's car.
"You look beautiful today!" he says.
I turn to him and thank him with a slight smile.
"I still prefer you in those shorts, the ones your ass hangs out of, but this, this outfit is sexy." Jason laughs.
I give him a good smack and laugh, calling him a perv.
Chapter Nine
The drive is quiet yet peaceful as we make our way to the lawyer's office in another town. I lose myself in the beautiful summer scenery as I drift off daydreaming about—Luke! Why do I think about him so much? My mind becomes consumed by him, and I flashback to seeing his shirtless body the first time we met, his flawless profile as he sat alone at Mary's, and the look of his face after he held me while I cried on his chest. I wonder if he has soft, firm lips. Is he a good kisser? Woah, what is going on with me? I feel myself becoming more attracted to him the more I think about him.
My mind snaps back to reality as the car comes to a stop.
"We're here," Gladys says as she releases a massive sigh.
Jason grabs hold of my hand and looks at me with a smile before he exits the car. I stay back for a moment to work on my breathing. I see that my aunt and uncle are already here. We walk inside, and my aunt walks over to me. She hugs me, then turns to hug Gladys and Ernie. My uncle gives me an awkward side hug before he shakes Ernie and Jason's hands then gives Gladys a peck on the cheek. We all take a seat in the waiting room. I can tell everyone is quite uncomfortable, and no one wants to be here, but we all need to be. I'm glad I am not alone today.
The door opens as Luke walks through. He looks disheveled. His black button-up shirt