A Grumpy Christmas

a good thing most of it would freeze well should the worst happen and Pierce was a no-show.
It didn’t take long to set the kitchen to rights. Even though it was still early, I roamed the house, turning off lights, shutting and locking windows. Sugar Beach might be a safe town, but I’d grown up in an area where one didn’t leave windows wide open at night even if the cooler air helped wash away the stuffiness of a closed up house.
It was too cool for the air conditioner to kick on so I switched it over to heat and set the temperature I wished to activate it while I slept. Waking up to a freezing house was a possibility, even in Florida. Tomorrow was going to be a big day. Hopefully, an exciting day. It all depended on if a certain grumpy alpha decided to make nice and visit an overeager omega. I hoped I wasn’t setting myself up for a big fall.

Chapter Eleven
Pierce
The days in December fell away one by one until the day I dreaded each year was suddenly in front of me. It was Christmas Eve, the day my son was born. Somehow, this day was worse even than the anniversary of his death. It hurt facing all the memories of how happy I’d been that day, looking forward to a future that had been taken away in an instant. I’d never see the day I sat down with my son to talk about the birds and the bees and the differences between alphas and omegas. At only ten years old, he hadn’t yet presented as one or the other. Though Grant and I were sure he was going to be an alpha like me. He had all the signs.
As the day passed, I did what I usually did on this day. I remembered my son, watching home videos, listening to his voice as he went from babbling toddler to a mature little boy who was full of questions. God, I missed answering those questions now.
“Why is the sky so blue, Daddy?”
“Because sunlight scatters all over as it hits the Earth’s atmosphere in different ways. Blue scatters more and travels shorter and smaller distances so we see more of it.”
“Why is Billy Thompson so mean?”
“I don’t know. Why do you think Billy Thompson is so mean?”
“I think he’s scared and lonely and he takes it out on others.”
“Is that so? What do you think you can do about that?”
“I think I’ll tell him to either stuff it or he can’t be my friend anymore.”
“What do you think Billy will do?”
“I think he likes being my friend so maybe he’ll try to get better. I’ll help him.”
“That’s my boy.”
“Why are you smiling like that? You look ridiculous!”
“Can I have a pony for my birthday this year?”
“How about we start with riding lessons and see if you like it before we go all out on the pony?”
“Really? Wow, Daddy. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”
“Why is Poppy so happy lately?”
“Because he’s happy. How would you feel about being a big brother?”
I paused the video on my son’s face as it exploded with pride. He’d been so excited about being a big brother. It was all he’d talked about that day as we all piled into the car for an ultrasound appointment we never made it to. An instant was all it took to change all our lives forever. It took away the most important people in my life. It changed me forever. It took more than just my leg. I could deal with the loss of a limb easier than I dealt with the loss of my family.
Craig would have turned sixteen today. What kind of man would he have grown into? I shook my head at the thought. He would have been the best man he could be. With Grant as his omegin, he couldn’t help but be that. Grant had a way of bringing out the best in everyone around him. I know he’d brought out the best in me.
Sometimes, I wondered what my husband would have to say about how I’d spent the last few years grieving. He’d been a big believer in making each day its best. Whenever something went wrong, he’d find a way to turn it around, making a disaster into something to celebrate. Something told me Grant would come back to kick my ass if he could see me now. He’d want me to live. He’d want me to celebrate life and take whatever happiness I could find in the wreck my life had become.
Max was a shining light in the darkness. I wanted to walk toward it, but I was afraid to take what he’d been offering since I met him. Could I be happy again without Grant and Craig in my life? It almost seemed like a betrayal to their memory to reach for happy again.
“Never a betrayal, sweetheart.” I could almost hear Grant’s voice in my head as surely as if he were standing next to me. “We’ll always be in your heart, but we’re gone now. Max is here. Don’t let fear stand in the way of what could be your future.”
The tears fell, silent sentinels to the pain trapped inside. I missed them both so much. Looking to the past hurt so much, but looking forward to a future without them seemed like the worst sort of betrayal.
“Did you love me, Pierce?”
“With all my heart.”
“Don’t turn me into a martyr then. I was a man. A man who loved you, but I’m gone. Max is here. Take a chance. I give you my blessing.”
The screen turned blurry as more tears fell. For the first time I could remember since the accident, sobs wrenched from me as all I had lost hit me. They were gone and never coming back. It was the most cathartic moment in my life. It was also the saddest. I felt as if I was closing a door on the life I’d