Bastards and Scapegoats

to be a bridesmaid, and I don’t even like the bitch. She’s too nosy.” I cleared my throat. Colleen certainly didn’t mind being a bridesmaid when Hamilton was balls deep inside of her. “It’s always been you and me against the world, baby. I just feel guilty. This child is going to have all the things I couldn’t give you. A father. A consistent home. It won’t need toys from the bargain bin or goodwill clothes. I’m not going to have to work three jobs or worry where rent is coming from. I can’t help but feel sad that this baby is going to get a completely different version of me than you did.” She held her stomach and looked off at the tree line in the distance for a moment. “Heck, I’m about to have a honeymoon in Paris. You’ve never even been on an airplane.”
My heart panged. The different upbringing this child would have was something I’d thought about ever since I saw the test. “I like my version of you,” I lied. “And I want you to be happy. You deserve this, Mom.” This baby might not have the same upbringing as I did, but Mom had earned the right to have a happy little family. This was just another pitstop on the road to accepting our new normal.
“You’re too good to me,” she whispered, her green eyes sparkling with emotion. “It’s still us. You and me. We just have a little more help. I l-love Joseph. I really, really do. Promise. He’s a good man. I adore him. He’s going to pay for your college. He wants me to see the world. He buys me anything I want. I know the two of you haven’t really had a chance to get to know one another, but he cares about you. He’s really excited for you to attend his alma mater. Jack attended there too, you know. It’s somewhat of a family tradition.”
Had Hamilton attended there?
I forced a smile. I didn’t want to attend the pretentious Greenwich University. Up until Mom and Joseph started dating, I had dreams of attending Brooklyn College for Social Work. My entire high school class catalogue was cultivated with the hope of getting a scholarship so I could attend. I knew that Greenwich University was a greater opportunity than I could have ever hoped to achieve. The tuition cost more than most people’s homes, and only the most elite students attended. It was intimidating to think about, but once the engagement was announced, Joseph informed my mother and me that it would be better for everyone if I attended Greenwich, as it was close to home and more respectable for our family legacy. I didn’t even know what that meant, considering I didn’t feel part of the family.
I didn’t know Joseph. Not really. He wasn’t worried about getting to know me either. At least not more than what was politely required of him. I just had hope that tolerance for one another would at the very least grow over time.
I was determined to accept all the change thrown at me. I understood that the ability to adapt wasn’t a gift most people had—hell, some people weren’t even given the opportunity. There were entire populations that lived, breathed, and died in accordance to a routine given to them by society. Joseph might be an unexpected variable, but he was like every challenge I faced:
Conquerable.
As if summoned by my uneasy thoughts, Joseph came marching out of the house through the sliding back door with a scowl on his face. He looked like he wanted to punch someone. “My brother is such an asshole. Hamilton can’t show up for the ceremony, but he can make it for the free booze at our reception? Dick. I mean seriously, to have a threesome in the dining room is just ridiculous. I just found both his whores wrapped up in blankets on the floor and smelling of booze. I wanted our wedding’s press release to go flawlessly, but now I have to make sure none of those women will sell his debauchery to the tabloids and overshadow us.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to warn him about Colleen, but I stopped myself. A threesome? Fuck. I only saw what happened in my guest room. I guess he had a really, really good night.
Joseph stopped shouting when he noticed me. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Vera. I didn’t realize you were out here.” I bit my tongue and forced myself not to remind Joseph that my mother and I had been enjoying Sunday morning coffee every week for the last eighteen years of my life before he came along. He knew this. He had to know this. He inserted his life into ours and made interrupting us a sport.
“I didn’t realize you had a brother,” I said, trying to ignore the annoyance I felt in my gut at the sight of my new stepfather.
Conquer, Vera. Adapt.
There was just something off about him. He had never been blatantly rude to me, nor had he given me any reason to distrust him, aside from a few careless moments where he forgot I existed. I just instinctively felt off about Joseph. I wished I could figure out why. It made me feel like a petulant child afraid to share her mother. For fuck’s sake, I wasn’t a baby.
“That’s by design, dear. Hamilton doesn’t usually come to family events, and my father works overtime to keep his depravity out of the papers.”
I stared at my stepfather for a moment. Was that what he would do to me if I jeopardized the Beauregard reputation? Would I stop being invited to family events? Would I be allowed to know my sibling? The doubts were difficult to digest. I’d always been quiet and studious. I wasn’t one to party or make waves. I’d been conditioned from a young age to be mindful of my behavior. I was a direct reflection of my mother’s parenting, and