Bitter Pills

did better when we weren't talking. Every day, his annoyance with me grew and grew. One of these days, he would get tired of protecting the girl Phoenix loved. And I knew that day would destroy me.
My eyes grew heavy as I breathed in the stench of burning pizza from the restaurant below my building. Shouting drunks on the street below lulled me into a deep sleep. I refused to think it was the comfort of Alessandro's presence; I stopped loving unattainable men the day Nix disappeared.
I woke up with the taste of cottoned wine on my tongue and sweat dripping down my back. My satin sheets clung to my skin, and the oscillating fan I usually slept with was turned off.
I wasn't sure how I got here. The last thing I remembered was falling asleep beside Alessandro on my patio, but I guess he left hours ago. Even his scent was gone. I inhaled, expecting that permeating scent of chocolate to fill my nose, but it wasn't there. I wasn't sure how he always smelled like the sugary treat, considering I'd never seen him actually eat it.
I showered quickly and wrapped my body up in a fluffy towel before making my way over to my sliding patio door so I could peer across the street. I wanted to see if Alessandro's threats were true. He hadn't closed his blinds since the day he moved in. I wasn't sure why I was sad that he might actually do it.
He didn't. Instead, he mirrored me. Standing at his window with his cruel eyes boring into mine. He was adjusting his tie and gnashing his teeth. I dropped my towel, daring him to find me attractive. I knew he wouldn't. I'd only seen Alessandro with men. Hell, we were in love with the same man. It's what bonded us.
His eyes didn't widen with lust. His hands didn't stall from tightening his tie. He didn't freeze. He didn't do anything. Alessandro reached up and closed the blinds. I guess he didn't mind if I watched him, but he didn't want to see me.
"How was your night of voyeurism?" Sunshine asked while picking the pineapple off her pizza and snacking on it. Her dark hair was braided down her back, and her neck was peppered with hickeys. The bruise right above her lip looked painful and satisfying. My sister-in-law was probably my only friend in this city. It wasn't like I was purposefully closing myself off to the world, it just sort of happened that way.
"He caught me," I replied with a shrug before diving into my cheesecake. I decided to skip the main course and go straight to dessert.
Sunshine's brows shot up in surprise. "He caught you? What did he do?"
I took a bite and let the flavor settle on my tongue before responding. "He came over. He talked to me for a minute, then I fell asleep. Woke up alone in my bed."
She smiled to herself. "The two of you are going to combust."
I shook my head. "Alessandro isn’t attracted to me. I've only seen him bring men home. I don’t think he’s been with a woman since Santobello killed his girlfriend. He very obviously has a preference, and that doesn’t include me."
Sunshine’s brows raised at my comment. "Tension doesn't always have to build into sex. You've been dancing around the idea of friendship since...since he left," she murmured. I knew it was difficult for her to talk about Phoenix. They were best friends. Soulmates. I guess in some ways, she wanted Alessandro and me to have that same relationship.
"Just because we both fucked the same dude doesn't mean we're going to be best friends, Sunshine."
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't disrespect Nix like that. You both loved the same man. Probably still do. The only difference between the two of you is that Alessandro is fucking his way through his grief, and you haven't touched a dick in God knows how long. Three years? Five?"
"Three years? It's already been that long?" I asked. I had a habit of pretending time wasn't passing. Pretending I wasn't a broken girl clinging to someone who wasn't coming back.
"I still feel him watching me, you know," Sunshine whispered. "I'll catch myself staring at my computer's webcam, and it's like I know he's there. Or something will happen. A glitch. He's out there, Grace."
"Well, then why the hell hasn't he come home?" I growled. I didn't like thinking that Nix chose this. Sunshine let out a slow exhale and leaned forward.
"What if he didn't have a choice? What if he got involved in something he couldn't escape? When shit went down with Santobello and that vigilante group resurfaced, he wasn’t the same. He was scared of something. He left to protect us; I just know it."
I didn’t want to hear this again. I loved Sunshine, but this conversation never went anywhere. Nix was always gone. We were always left missing him and wondering what happened. Chills traveled up my spine, and I tried not to let my nerves get the best of me. "Or maybe he's somewhere getting a blow job from a cabana boy. We'll never know."
"Blaise might have a lead," Sunshine insisted. Out of all of us, she clung to hope the most. Perhaps she was disillusioned by her own happy ending. Just because she reconnected with my brother after five years of pining doesn't mean I'll get the same.
"He always has a lead. They all do. The Bullets would do anything to make you happy. They know how much you miss Nix, so they like to give you hope."
"You obviously don't know your brother at all," she mused. "Gavriel Moretti doesn't do false hope. None of them do. They don't tell me shit to placate me. If Blaise says he has a lead, he has a lead. I know he was going to talk to Alessandro about it."
I felt my skin grow hot. "Why wouldn't he talk to me?"
Sunshine