Rewind

Lexi more than anyone else right at this moment in my life, and she’s right: I wouldn’t want to marry someone who is lying straight to my face about everything and according to her, lying is the best worst quality of Adrien’s.
How she knows that is way beyond me, but she promised that I’ll understand everything very soon, and perhaps that’s the only motive driving me to not give up.
      At the same time, though, I don’t know if I can just shrug off all my feelings for Adrien in a night- let alone a minute- because of a sudden confrontation from my best friend. I have to admit that in these past few days, I’ve been trying to imagine how my life with Adrien is going to be after we get married, and my imagination didn’t serve me any good. Though I love Adrien- I really do- I hate how he loses his temper so easily. Not only that, but also how he doesn’t care about the money he throws away without a second thought, so for the past few days, I’ve already been thinking deeply about whether or not I should proceed with marrying him and
reached the conclusion with my inner self that I don’t really want to.
I know what you’re thinking: why the hell didn’t I say anything then?
      The truth is, I was afraid of the consequences of what would happen if I told him off. Other than my fear and dread for heartbreak, I felt embarrassed to admit my true feelings to my parents, to face Adrien and to call the five hundred people invited by my parents, who I probably don’t even know half of, to notify them not to come since there’s no wedding to attend to in the first place.
The mortifying truth that I’ll forever keep sealed inside of me till the day I die is that I was now taking advantage of Lexi’s confession as an opportunity to run away from the life that I was somewhat excited for yet so afraid and hesitant to live.
    Even though I was somehow terrified that Adrien would end up being the only person who loves me like I love him, I decided that I’ll call the wedding off. I came to the conclusion that learning the truth first then figuring out what I want to do with my love life, especially since I was still contemplating whether or not he’s the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with, can’t be such a bad idea.
In my head.
      The plan didn’t seem so bad in my head until I remembered that I’d have to confront my parents and Adrien. What do I tell my parents? What do I even tell Adrien? Would I be able to look him in the eye and tell him ‘it’s over’?
God! He’ll hate me so much, and I probably won’t even be able to blame him, but can I handle it- the heartbreak?
Or will it be too much to take?
Should I mention what Lexi told me?
No, that would be a terrible idea since she mentioned how they threatened her not to tell me the truth, and how dare they threaten her?
My best friend.
    In the midst of my thoughts, I failed to notice the sound of a door slamming because I’m brought back to reality at the sound of a sudden shriek.
“Evangeline, what the hell? Shouldn’t you still be waiting in the bride’s room? God, you look so beautiful, but you shouldn’t be here; I’m not allowed to see you yet.” Adrien’s eyes widen with panic when they spot me, yet he continues looking at me anyways.
“Adrien, I love you.” I scan his attire, and my eyes burn at the sudden dwell of emotions that fell on my chest.
Just looking at him and thinking about what I’m about to do, brings my heart a lot of pain.
He looks at me with his wide jade eyes probably confused to why I’m here but replies, “Evangeline, you know I love you too, but wh—”
“Stop.” I inhale and exhale slowly. “Just let me finish.”
    He stops talking, and I start pouring out my heart to him. I start pouring out everything I have to say- literally.
“Adrien,” I start telling him softly, “I’m so glad that I met you because you’re such an incredible man. You’re kind; you care with depth about those you truly love, and you’re always around helping people. You even helped me both create and finish my stupid bucket list. You were there from almost the very beginning of my medical journey till the very end of it, and it kills me that I’m ending this, but I h-have to.” My hands wipe away the traitorous tears that fell without my consent.
“Wait, you’re ending it? What’s this all about?” He runs his hand through his soft blond hair as he questions me.
     My heart breaks at his question, and tears start making their way down my cheeks once again. “Adrien, we created so many beautiful memories that will forever remain engraved in my mind. You were always there for me, and you always had my back. I love you so much- I really do. You slowly sneaked yourself in and carved yourself into my heart, and my heart will always be yours, but I can’t marry you today, and I’m not sure I can do it anytime soon. I’m so sorry.”
“You’re not answering the question, Evangeline. What did I do?” His voice comes out in a demanding tone- a one that’s filled with visible anger-, and I place my hands on his clenched fists in an attempt to soothe him a little.
    I make my decision quickly on telling him the truth yet leaving Lexi out of it so as not to cause her any trouble. “Honestly Adrien,