Rewind

quicker recovery.
    There were two things I didn’t understand quite yet. One: why would my parents hide this from me? Despite Lexi explaining that my parents not being a big fan of Adam and I’s friendship was the reason why they turned this page of my life and threw it away, I feel like there’s a missing side of the story- that this isn’t the real reason why they did it.
    Two: how come two cars hit Adam’s at the same instant and they’re calling it an accident? Something doesn’t really add up. When I questioned Lexi about it, she told me that they also had their doubts, so my parents hired detectives to look into it, but they couldn’t find anything since the two cars were unregistered; the drivers were no were to be found by the time someone reported the accident; and there were no fingerprints inside the car.
Hearing Lexi explain all of this, spiked up a sudden fear in my heart. Why would someone try to intentionally hurt me?
Worse: why would someone attempt to kill me? What did Evelyn possibly do to be hated to that extent?
The one piece of the puzzle that was missing in order for most of all of this to make sense is who Adam was is to Evelyn me.
     Better yet, I still couldn’t process how my parents had the guts to do what they did. How could they hide such a secret from me? A secret that they had absolutely no right to keep hidden away from me. It’s my life! How could they do this to me? How could they make me believe my name was Evangeline when it was in fact Evelyn just after my recovery from the hospital? How did they create a new version of me and simply move on from the other? The one they knew for nineteen years? How could they? Did they take their time to grieve? Was it as hard for them to move on and let go of Evelyn as it was for Lexi and Adam?
    Did they not like me as I was before the accident? Did they hate the way I was behaving back then? Was I not a good daughter? Was I a reckless child? What did Evelyn –me- possibly do to have them hate me so much that they created a new me? What awful things have I done to make them make me Evangeline?
   My dry eyes start moistening at the sudden dwell of emotions. A single tear rolls down my cheeks before the gate to tears was slammed open and suddenly, my face was swallowed by tears- many of them.
Was I such a disgrace to my family?
      Even though my thoughts were mostly racked up on why my parents did what they did, some of them were thinking ‘who am I?’ If I don’t remember who I was, how do I know who I am? People always say the past is what makes us ‘us’? What kind of past did I have?
      Was I one of those kind, friendly people who would smile at strangers and lend bullied people a hand, or was I one of those mean bitches who thought so highly of herself and stepped all over people? Was I an obedient child, who’d listen to her parents’ advices and rules, or was I a mischievous one who’d sneak out of the house at night to go partying knowing they told me to stay home? Was I a successful nerd, or were my grades a failure -below the end of the ladder? Do I have friends I’ve forgotten about too? Was I a good sister to my brother? Were we close before the accident? Was I a good person?
The one question I couldn’t stop thinking about no matter what, though, was ‘would I have been proud of who I was, or should I be grateful that I am who I am now?’
     I pick up the photos which Adam and Lexi showed me as proof that what they’re saying was the truth- that what they’re saying was real. Other than the photos of me lying down on the hospital bed with Trevor, mom, dad and Lexi by my side, there were some photos holding memories that belonged to Evelyn before the accident. Sliding through the pictures one after the other, I felt disappointed that no memories were triggered. I was hoping that getting the ability to see the memories I once made right in front of me would trigger something –anything- but it didn’t.
      On the bright side though, I’ve learnt a few things about Evelyn from the photos. One: she’s always smiling, and it was never forced. For her, it seemed like it didn’t matter where she was, with who she was or what she was doing because in each of these pictures- even the ones when she wasn’t aware of a camera being directed at her- is one hell of a smile. I have to admit, though, that about all of these smiles were when Adam was around.
         Two: she had a heart of gold, and so does Adam. Apparently Adam and Evelyn went to an orphanage in Liverpool because they- well, technically we- thought it would be nice to give the children there Christmas presents and hang around with them playing hide and seek, since we knew they’re most likely going to spend it by themselves, and what’s worse than celebrating Christmas alone?
        In this photo, though, I was sitting on a dark brown, plain rug with a story in my hand, while about fifteen children, with ages ranging from five to fourteen years, were all sitting around me in a circle. One of the heart-melting sights was how one of the orphanage girls, who was around the age of five with light brown waves called Daisy, sat with her head placed on my crisscrossed