Royally Bad (Royally Wrong Book 1)

Who wears high heels with a bikini?
Theo cocks his head to his side. “What’s your name, again?”
“Vesper Smith. Friends of your father hired me to clean up your image.”
“I like my image just fine. You know what they call me?”
I cross my arms, making it clear I’m not going to say it.
“The god of fuck,” he says. The ladies titter, but he’s not playing to his audience again. I’ve riled him. This show is for me. “You know why?”
“It’s a play on your name. ‘Theo’, is the Greek root for ‘deity.’” Thank you, Ms. Mavery.
Theo blinks.
The guy next to him bursts out laughing. “Theo, your new PR lady is a nerd.”
“I’m drinking a martini,” one of the ladies holds up her glass, “can you tell me the Greek root for that?”
I shake my head. Theo’s groupies laugh and laugh, but he just studies me silently.
“Just how much Greek do you know?” a surfer looking dude asks me.
“Why the fuck do you care?” a woman with fire engine red nails, hair, and a bikini to match snaps at him.
“You know what Greek sex is, right?” He whispers in Red’s ear, and she cackles.
I shake my head in disgust.
“No fucking way,” Red points at me. “She’s blushing like a virgin.”
“Fuck,” the first guy says. “A nerd and a virgin. I know someone who can help you with your V-card.” He smacks Theo on the back.
“Lay off it, guys,” he orders, before stepping close to me. Way, way up in my space.
My head tilts up to look him in the eye. I force myself not to back away.
“Your friends are jerks,” I tell him.
“Don’t listen to them. They’ve just never seen a media consultant as beautiful as you.”
“I’m not going to sleep with you,” I tell him. “Don’t try to flatter me.”
“Methinks the lady doth protest too much,” he says, and it’s my turn to blink. “I think you like it. I think you want me to flatter you.”
I push my glasses up my nose, more to insert space between me and him than to adjust my glasses. My hand almost brushes his tattooed pec. I wonder if he hears my heart pounding.
“You’re a little uptight, Vesper Smith. Maybe my friend’s right. You need a little Theo-therapy. Tell you what.” He leans close, his lips brushing my ear. “You fix my image; I’ll punch your V-card.”
“That won’t be necessary,” I snap. He bursts out laughing.
“I’m kidding. I don’t fuck virgins.”
Screaming, “I’m not a virgin” won’t gain me anything, so I spin on my heel and leave.
My cheeks are hot. Never mind the teasing. There’s so much sexual attraction between Theo and me, the eye fucking alone is enough to get me pregnant.
Gods did that, right? Poof! Pregnant. Now that would be a story to spin. Mr. Evans wouldn’t buy it, but every woman who’d been reeled in by that attraction beam would understand.
I glare at the naked statues of Greek gods as I march past. Evans meets me at the mansion door.
“We have a problem,” he says. “I just got off the phone with Sweden.”
“Did the queen see the news?”
“Yeah. She’s finally ready to recognize her grandson.”
“It’s been almost thirty years. Why now?”
“I think she finally wants to make amends. She lifted the ban on her deceased daughter.”
“A little late for that.” Poor Theo, losing his mother at birth, and bearing the brunt of her sins.
“It’s more a formality, to change the line of succession.”
“What?”
“Her son is ill. He and his wife have no children. When he dies...”
“Theo is next in line,” my head spins. “That’s the real reason she’s made contact.”
“She’s called him to an audience at her private residence. Friday.”
“This Friday?”
“That’s right. The queen wants to see him in four days.”
“So how’s it going?” My friend chirps. I wince, and prop my cell phone on my other ear.
I should be scouring my media contacts and calling in favors, and Googling what to wear to an audience with the queen of Sweden, but between Evans shouting about suing every woman his boss has ever slept with and Theo’s heavy metal rock fest in his backyard, I have a headache.
I scowl at my suitcase. There is a bottle of aspirin in here somewhere.
“Hello? V?”
“One sec, Mina.”
“You call me and then put me on hold?” She laughs.
“No, sorry. I just needed to find something.” I pull the bottle of pain relievers from a secret pocket, and claw it open. Gulp down two, chase with water. Wish it was vodka and Valium. “Okay, ready. What was the question?”
“First day on the job? How’s it going?”
Mina is my best friend, and the only person I don’t lie to. “I want to quit.”
“He’s your client, right? Just fire him.”
“I was hired to do a job. I’m going to do it,” I say, and try not to grind my teeth. “I don’t quit.”
“Good for you. So, who is this guy again? What’d he do?”
“You’ve heard of the Imperial hotel chain?”
“The fancy hotels? Like the Four Seasons?”
“Exactly. My client’s father started with one hotel, and built it up from there. Kensington, Inc. does a lot more now, they own other hotel chains, and an airline—”
“Bottom line, Daddy’s boy has some serious cabbage.”
“And some serious issues.”
“What’s his name?”
I sigh. “Theodore Kensington.”
“Really? I just saw something about him…” I hear her tapping on her computer. “Oh, man. Oh, man.” Laughter in her voice. I picture her scrolling through the pictures of Theo. A few photos of him with celebrity girlfriends, some on the red carpet, others taken by paparazzi stalkers. The camera loves Theo. Dazzling white smile amid the tan skin, the acres of muscles on his bare chest at the beach…
“Yeah.”
“He’s very photogenic.”
“Mmmhmmm.” Wait for it.
“Oh wow. Oh wow. Holy--”
“Yep. That’s his dick.”
“Looks like you have a big problem here. A really, really big… problem.” She giggles.
“I know.” I rub my forehead, wishing the pain meds would kick in. “I’ve never had a client’s sex tape go live the day I start working for him.”
“Aww, Vesper, you can