tabby

always seek me out, finding my various hiding spots, and just sit beside me until I was ready to talk, to explain what triggered the event.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“Anytime.” He nudged me in the shoulder. “Care to explain what that and your pissy mood is all about.”
“Pussy.”
“What?”
“You should have said my pussy mood. That would have been more accurate.”
His head turned as if it were on a slow swivel, matching the speed in which he widened his eyes. “You’re trying to tell me that all this is from the lack of tail recently?”
My chuckle contained a hint of dark malice. “Getting a piece of tail, no, but a tail is definitely involved.” As much as I needed his touch, my legs muscles protested the cross-legged position after my strenuous workout earlier. I leaned back, stretching my legs out in front. “It’s everything and nothing. Having her on our team is driving me crazy.”
“I see.”
I glanced over to him, and sure as shit, my brother wore a shit-eating, smug grin. “It’s not what you think.”
“Suuuuure it isn’t. Tell me you don’t think about her when she’s not around. That you’re not worried about something happening to her while on the mission. That you can’t wait to watch her perform, but at the same time you’re not vibrating with anger that scummy other men, ones who aren’t worthy, will get to see her naked.”
Shit. I suspected that Kasim had a little crush on her. And I knew that Arin wanted more than a kiss from her after his first taste. But what Kasim was suggesting went far past the crush stage... It bordered on my feelings for her.
It was why I was torn up inside. From antagonizing her and not wanting her around, my feelings had done a complete reversal. Each time I challenged her, she never reacted the way I predicted she would. From silence to a quiet strength to her surprising trust and doing crazy out-of-character activities, she kept me on my toes. She was a puzzle, and I loved to solve them.
I didn’t know when the switch occurred. I liked to think that she somehow dug her way into my heart, my soul, but I worried that wasn’t the case. Ever since I’d returned to FUCN’A and laid eyes on her as she scampered up the rock wall one night, I’d searched for her. I would have spoken to her that night, but instead I stuck to the shadows, using techniques taught by Kasim, and watched her for over an hour. For most of that time, she sat on the ledge at the top and stared out the window at the stars. And in her look, I’d recognized myself. That need to get away from it all in order to find control and calmness.
And so I’d watched.
For days on end, I’d search her out on campus under the guise of practicing my stealth skills. I never got close, just watched from a distance as she hung around with her single friend and spoke to acquaintances. I watched as she followed a set routine and saw what happened when that routine broke. The tears. The need to hide. I knew what it was like... firsthand.
The need to be with her warred with the need to keep her away. I couldn’t split up our team by forming a lasting relationship with a woman. It was something we’d all agreed on years ago. We’d hold off on looking for a steady girlfriend, opting instead for one-night stands so that we wouldn’t mess up our team dynamics.
Then, when Kasim rushed to her defence, in a move he’d never displayed before other than when defending our mother, I knew I had to step back. Let him pursue a woman for the first time. After all, he’d soon grow tired of her, and then, in a couple of years, I could track her down and start a relationship.
I just never expected her to kiss Arin.
With that kiss, all my carefully laid plans went up in a puff of smoke. I could no longer protect Kasim, nor myself, from the train wreck that headed our way. A woman—just like we feared—would tear the three of us apart.
So, I opted to keep my distance again. If none of them knew about my feelings, maybe there wouldn’t be a fight over her.
But I couldn’t lie to Kasim. The day my parents brought him home, a scared five-year-old—like me—whose parents had been killed in an accident, I promised him that I would never lie to him. A promise I’d kept to this very day. And a promise I vowed to keep forever.
I slumped backwards until I lay on the floor, staring up at the dust and dirt that clung to the soundproofing on it. “You’re right. I can’t disagree with anything you said. She drives me nuts. She intrigues me. And most of all, I can’t stop thinking about her.”
He mirrored my pose, tilting his head until it rested against my shoulder like we did as children when we would sneak out to the backyard to lie on the grass and watch the night sky. “I think I love her.”
“I know.” I took a deep breath, held it, and let it flow out between my clenched teeth. “I think I do as well.”
His chuckle contained no humor. Instead, it filled me with a sadness. “We’re a sorry bunch. The two of us lying on a dirty floor while the woman we love is out trying on skimpy clothes with our teammate. And probably the only one of us that she’s kissed.”
His acceptance, even if it was feigned, surprised me. I expected him to go all predator and territorial over her, not to wallow in self-pity with me.
“What are we going to do, Kasim? I can’t lose you and Arin. Yet I don’t think I could stand having her around all the time with one of you. It would destroy me to be so close to her and yet so