Dirt Driven (Racing on the Edge Book 11)

have felt if he had been married to someone else? The mere thought of it sent a wave of anxiety through me. Threading my fingers in his thick dark hair, unwilling to imagine him with someone else, I sighed. “I love you.”
With a smirk, he nodded south. “You could show me how much you love me.”
“Cute.” The last time I tried that, the kids woke up and Pace wanted to know why I had my head in Daddy’s lap. Never again. “But not happening.”
He shrugged one shoulder, a playful smile tugging at his beautiful full lips. “A guy could dream.”
I stared at him, his sharp scruffy jawline, the mess of hair he kept on top of his head and the set frown on his lips. “Easton cheated on me more than once.”
Rager’s jaw tightened and his eyes drifted to mine. No words followed.
A moment ticked by and I realized Rager had known that all along. I licked my lips and blinked slowly, deciding on what I was going to say. I shifted in the chair. “You knew, didn’t you?”
He nodded, watching me carefully. His black hair fell into those gorgeous blue eyes women—including me—obsessed over.
“Why didn’t you say anything to me? How long have you known?”
He blinked at me a couple times. “It wasn’t really my place to say. And I didn’t want you choosing me because he fucked up. I wanted you to choose me because I was who you wanted all along.”
I chewed on his words for a moment. I could understand why he didn’t say anything at the time, but since then, why not? “Easton and I have been divorced for four years now. Why not say something sooner?”
He raised a questioning eyebrow and reached for the bottle of water in the cup holder. “Does it really matter now?” he asked, almost softly.
I stared at the road, afraid to look at him now. My heart thudded in my ears, silencing out the road noise. “I guess not, but still, for my own peace of mind I’d like to know.”
“Do you remember that weekend in Charlotte when you came to watch the Outlaws race the same weekend NASCAR was in town?”
“Yeah… I caught Easton with Olivia and Shaylee that weekend.”
His voice lowered, as did his head, as if what he was about to say, wasn’t going to be easy. Mentally, I tried to prepare myself. “Yeah, well, I caught them before you. After the race I helped your dad deliver some parts to the NASCAR garage. When I went inside the hauler, Easton and Olivia were in there.” Sighing, he shook his head and gave me the truth I should have known all along. And maybe I did, but just didn’t want to see it. “They were going at it against the wall. They didn’t see me and I left right after that.”
“Easton didn’t sleep with us.” Were the first words out of Olivia’s mouth.
Part of me knew that. But I wanted to hear what she had to say.
Lexi glared at Olivia. “You should have said that to her back in May.”
“I know that. I’m sorry,” she admitted, but her expression was off. “We waited until he was shit-faced and then went back to his motor coach and let ourselves in knowing you would find us there.”
“Why?” Lexi was doing most of the talking. I never had to do much when she was around. It was kind of nice.
Olivia’s eyes landed on mine. For the first time, I saw sadness in hers. “I was pissed at you for Rager.”
“Rager?” I asked, stunned by that response. I was lost at that point and she knew it. As she started to speak, it made sense.
“He won’t move on from you.” Her voice was timid. “I’ve tried to get him to.”
It all went back to that. “So you thought you’d destroy my perfect life?” My words were sarcastic, just as they were meant to be.
“Yeah.” You could tell immediately she knew how stupid that response was.
I laughed. “I got news for you. My life is far from perfect.” I kind of lost it at that point. “You guys think my life is fucking perfect and yeah, I have a life that people only dream of but there’s a side you’ll never see, and probably don’t want to.”
She lied to me that day. I wasn’t surprised by that either, but my heart hurt. A sharp stabbing pain that seemed to twist and pull all at once. Not because I still loved Easton, or that Rager hadn’t said anything sooner. It hurt because I wasted six years of my life with Easton when if I’d just looked at who was in front of me the whole time, I would have been happier.
Silence hummed through the cab again as I stared out at the passing cars. Each headlight blurred more and before I knew it, I was crying. Hundreds of images flashed in my head. Ones of me constantly walking away from Rager over the years and to Easton. Why had I done that?
I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate but Rager hugged me. His arms tightened around me, his lips at my ear. “He fucks up again and I’ll be waiting. Let that be a reminder for him to treat you right. And I’ll tell him that if I see him again.”
That night, I should have listened. I should have stayed.
Rager reached for my hand that rested on my thigh. “Honey, I didn’t tell you that to upset you. Fuck, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No.” I waved him off, swiping my fingertips over my cheeks. “It’s fine. I’m just sad because I wasted so much time with him and I shouldn’t have.”
His hand squeezed mine. “Nobody remembers heat races.” He winked at me, offering a smile. “It’s the feature events you remember.”
I laughed, smiling sadly. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“I don’t know. But it got you to smile.”
And that was what he was good at—making me