Die Twice

from keeping guns privately; and my path up the career ladder slowed down one hell of a lot over the next few years. Crime, it seems, only pays when you’re a criminal.
I’m not a bad man, whatever those who like to sit in judgement may think. When I started out I really did believe I could make a difference. My sole motivation was to take the bad guys off the street and bring them to account for the crimes they’d committed. After the Reid shooting, I slowly stopped caring. I suppose I finally realized what all defence lawyers know: however well intentioned its designers may have been, the law in practice only serves to help the criminal, hinder the police, and ignore the victim.
Having got to a point when I was as cynical as that it was only a matter of time before I fell in with the wrong company. The wrong company being, in my case, about as wrong as you can get, although when I first started doing business with Raymond Keen, one of North London’s more colourful entrepreneurs, I wasn’t to know quite how far it would go.
I’ve had a business relationship with Raymond for about seven years now. At first it wasn’t too serious; nothing like that ever is. Just a few tips here and there, a helpful advance warning of impending police action, a sale of the odd bit of dope that went missing from police custody. Small things, but like cancerous lumps, small things that inevitably grow bigger. I wasn’t even that surprised when two years ago he asked me to kill a bent businessman who was refusing point blank to pay him the twenty-two grand he owed him. The businessman was a nasty piece of work. One of his sidelines was importing kiddie porn. Raymond offered me ten grand to get rid of him. ‘It’ll strike a blow for creditors everywhere,’ he’d said, although I wasn’t quite sure how many creditors would follow his example and write off their debts with that degree of permanence. But ten grand’s a lot of money, especially when you’re on a copper’s wage and, once again, he wasn’t the sort of bloke anyone was going to miss. So one night I waited for him outside the lock-up he used. When he came out and walked over to his car, I emerged from the shadows and followed. As he opened the door, I pushed the silencer against the back of his hairless head and pulled the trigger. One shot was all it needed, but I added a second for good measure. Pop pop. All over. And I was ten grand richer. It was very easy.
But three men dead in one go? Danny was right, there was going to be a lot of heat over this one, although Raymond, who was the instigator of the whole thing, didn’t appear too worried that any of it would get back to him. But then Raymond wasn’t really the worrying type – which, I suppose, in his line of business, is something of a plus.
It was getting late. I drained my wine, drank a glass of water from the tap so that I didn’t dehydrate myself, and made my way to bed. Looking back now, I already had a bad feeling about the whole thing but I was trying hard not to admit it to myself. Raymond Keen had paid me forty grand for killing those men. It was a lot of money, even after Danny had got his 20 per cent cut. Enough to justify a lot of things.
But nothing like enough to justify what was to follow.

3
Things started going downhill at exactly ten past eight the next morning. I’d been up for about twenty minutes and was in the kitchen making myself some toast for breakfast when the landline rang. It was Danny, which was a bit of a surprise. I hadn’t expected to hear from him today. He sounded agitated.
‘Dennis, what the fuck’s going on?’
‘What the fuck’s going on what?’
‘Have you not seen the news this morning?’
I experienced the first stirrings of fear in my gut. ‘No. No, I haven’t. What’s the problem?’
‘The targets, that’s the problem.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘They weren’t who you said they were, Dennis. Just switch the TV on and you’ll find out.’
I paused for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. This wasn’t what I wanted to hear. The most important thing, though, was not to say too much over the phone. ‘All right, listen. Sit tight, don’t worry about anything. I’ll check things out and call you back later.’
‘This is bad, Dennis. Very bad.’
‘I’ll call you back later, OK? Just stay calm and carry on as normal.’
I rang off and immediately looked around for my cigarettes. I needed to think things through, to try to locate what the fuck had gone wrong.
When I’d found them, I lit one, went through to the sitting room and flicked on the TV. I didn’t hang about, I went straight to the news channel, but they were already on to something else. So I flicked on Ceefax, unable to suppress the feeling of dread at what I was going to see. I knew it was going to be bad, it was just a case of how bad.
It was the top story. Unlike the other stories, the headline was in bold block capitals, telling even the most shortsighted viewer that this was big news.
I had committed these three murders for Raymond Keen. Raymond had told me that the men were drug dealers, violent drug dealers, who were causing some associates of his serious trouble. But the headline staring back at me wasn’t saying that at all. It was saying, TWO CUSTOMS OFFICERS AND ONE CIVILIAN GUNNED DOWN OUTSIDE HOTEL.
For a couple of seconds, I had this irrational idea that I’d opened fire on the occupants of the wrong Cherokee, but a couple of seconds was all I needed to scupper that particular one. I’d shot the people I