Ascending Shadow

ASCENDING SHADOW
By Church K. Calvert


Copyright © 2020 Church K. Calvert
All rights reserved.
First published 2020
Manufactured in the United States
ISBN: 9780999298725
No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.


Acknowledgments
This book is about the growth that can happen at the darkest points in life. I want to dedicate this book to my Grandparents, Linda and Doug Bowe, or Gram and Granpi. Thank you for being a light for in some of my darkest times, and for always supporting me, accepting me, and taking me on amazing adventures that opened my mind and my eyes.
A special thank you to my readers who expressed a desire to read my story and share the connection they felt. Also, to my biggest supporters: Golden Papaya- Lauren Thomas, Jake Luria, and Charis Roberts. Your contribution to this book is priceless.


Contents
Acknowledgments
Chapter One Stifled Darkness
Chapter Two Tantalizing and Deadly
Chapter Three The Gig with a Hitch
Chapter Four Lawless
Chapter Five Entertaining Your Demons
Chapter Six Reverse Baptism
Chapter Seven; Vulnerable
Chapter Eight No Mistakes
Chapter Nine Not Alone
Chapter Ten The Cult Life
Chapter Eleven Roots
Chapter Twelve Who Are You?
Chapter Thirteen Fighting for Your Light
Chapter Fourteen Trust
Chapter Fifteen Casting Shadows
Chapter Sixteen Loyalty
Chapter Seventeen The Darkest Place
Chapter Eighteen Healing
About the Author
 


Chapter One


Stifled Darkness
A curious thing happens when you pretend your disease doesn’t exist. It doesn’t go away, and this does nothing to treat it or decrease its power. No, it sits beneath the surface, gathering anger and hatred. If you suppress it long enough, it will feed off the neglect. Eventually it will manufacture its own way out, destroying everything in its path, inflicting collateral damage to anyone and anything within proximity of its projected rage. If you look for nourishment among the things that kill, you only poison yourself. I was naïve to this fact in my youth and paid the price.
I had not been offered an assignment in twenty-two days and my dark side was starting to clamor for a taste of chaos. I had done all I could to keep my shadow at bay in the meantime, supplying it with dirty deeds to quench its desires. Over time, it more. The pills were no longer doing their job. I had taken eight that day already and they provided no relief from this constant craving.
I was four minutes away from my bus stop as I headed home. My palms were sweating, hands were shaking, and my vision blurred in an attempt to obtain a grip on reality and suppress the urge inside of me. It was like withdrawals from an addiction and it never passed; it only grew stronger as time went on.
I yanked hard three times on the stop request cord. The bus driver glanced back with an annoyed expression and turned the request light off. I sighed with impatience. A man sitting next to me, across the aisle, briefly looked at me out of the corner of his eye, and then quickly averted his attention. I saw my shadow sitting next to him on the empty seat to his left. It had a look of starvation, as it reached out and ran its hand over the man’s shoulder. The man became visibly uncomfortable immediately. He began coughing, sweating, and acquired a pale hue. I prayed this appetizer would sustain the demon. I watched it, a look of sick pleasure on its face as it fed off the energy of this man, delicately peeling each aspect of his essence back to absorb. I felt the effects surging through me, but it wasn’t enough, only a droplet of water at a time of desperation. It was merely a tiny taste of what I wanted. However, I did not want to make a scene; I rode this bus daily and it was my primary form of transportation. If the bus driver did not stop soon, I knew what could be unleashed.
I felt a tingling sensation run up my spine. It was an itch I could not avoid scratching. I clenched my fist and tried to prevent it. I dug my nails into my left forearm, as I felt the urge manifest. It ripped away from me and grabbed the forearm of the man next to me.
“Why aren’t you looking for her?” I yelled at him.
My outburst produced a bewildered expression on the man’s face. He ripped his arm away and quickly proceeded to the front of the bus, to my dismay. As he scurried to the front, he repeatedly looked back at me, as if he was concerned I might follow him.
“Fucking drug addicts,” he whispered underneath his breath as he left. I wish he hadn’t, I knew this would contribute to my shadow’s desire for destruction. It was easily offended. I reached into my back pack next to me, producing my prescription, and popped another pill. I closed my eyes, searching for relief.
Two minutes until my stop.
“Please stop the bus, please stop the bus,” I whispered over and over to myself. I yanked one time on the stop request cord, too hard, causing it to snap.
“Hey!” the bus driver shouted back at me as he looked up through the rearview mirror. “We’re two blocks from our scheduled stop. You need to calm down. I’m not going to tell you again.”
I felt a ringing noise in my ear, as I felt the sensation overcoming me, and stood up.
“Ma’am, sit down!” he commanded.
“Can you just stop the bus?” I said angrily. He ignored my request.
One minute until my stop, but it was already too late. The familiar crimson color began to bleed over my vision. I observed five people on the bus: the driver, the man who had been sitting next