Annaka

hugged me back. It was exactly how I remembered it. He was a soft, giant, gentle man.
“Want a push on the swings, Annaka?”
Logically, I knew I was still a sixteen-year-old young adult, but I also knew that if I was going to spend one more day with my grandfather, I was going to take that swing push.
Grampy pushed me on the swings and I got to see the world from a kid’s perspective again. Was I in the past? I didn’t really understand how this was happening. There was no sign of Clay; it was just my grandfather and me. This was what I had wanted for a long time.
We played for what felt like hours. I stopped questioning it, and just enjoyed the moment for what it was. Eventually I lay down on the grass, tired from being in the sun. I could see Grampy standing over me with a grin.
“You look all tired out. Do you want to head back home or go for a ride up to the lighthouse?”
It was exactly how I had written it in the journal: Grampy had taken me to Cape Forchu, and he had given me a piggyback up the path towards the lighthouse.
“To the lighthouse, always.” It almost felt automatic.
“Then let’s go!” He pulled me up and piggybacked me to the truck. I held on tight. I never wanted to let him go again.
Once we were buckled in, Grampy looked over at me before he put the truck in reverse. “Ready, co-pilot?” he asked. “I need you to be my eyes and ears on the right side.”
God, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing: the way he gripped the steering wheel with one hand, the other one resting out the window; his slight grin; and the scent of his truck—it always smelled like peaches.
“I’m ready,” I replied.
He pulled out onto the road and I rolled down my window, putting my hands in the air. It felt like a dream, but the dashboard, the seat belt, and the late-afternoon air felt very real.
“Maybe some day you’ll be the captain of this ship,” Grampy said as we drove down by the waterfront. We took the road down to the 304 and made our way to Cape Forchu. It felt so different from Halifax, being near so much green, more ocean than harbour, and being the co-pilot again. Before I knew it, we were there. Grampy parked his truck and I got out to see the big red lighthouse at the top of a hill.
“Ready for another piggyback on this old man?”
I climbed on and he carried me up the hill. I wanted that moment to last forever.
“Grampy?” I said as he walked up the hill.
“Yeah, hon?”
“Is this real?”
He paused, and I could see a look of confusion from the side of his face. “Yeah, hon. I know you’re in your imagination a lot of the time. But yes, this is real.”
I shook my head. “That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what do you mean, Annaka?” he asked gently.
“I don’t know. But can you make me a promise?”
“What would that be?”
“Never leave me.” I held on tight.
“You don’t have to ever worry about that.” He chuckled as he made it to the top. The sky was pink and the water stretched as far as our eyes could see. Black rocks piled beneath the cliff’s edge and above us, the lighthouse flashed.
This was the homecoming I wanted.
My arms wrapped around Grampy, and a clear view was illuminated from above. I held on tight and never wanted to let go. This was the home I remembered. The home I loved. I felt so tired holding on to him that I closed my eyes, and his humming put me to sleep….
When I opened my eyes again, it was back in the truck in Grampy’s garage. Rain was hitting all sides of the garage and Clay’s hand was still attached to mine.
“Holy shit!” I said as I let go.
I was back in the present.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I couldn’t catch my breath, nor could I believe what had just happened. It had felt so real. It was real. I had been holding on to Grampy.
“I saw him. I saw him! I was riding in his truck. He took me to Cape Forchu.”
I looked at my hands and could tell I was sixteen again.
“He told me I wouldn’t ever have to worry about him leaving,” I whispered.
I looked over at Clay and tried to rationalize what just happened. But I don’t think I could. He knew I was feeling down, and he knew I was looking at that memory from the journal. In that moment I didn’t want to think about the how, I just wanted to accept that it happened.
“Thank you for that,” I said as a tear rolled down my cheek.
“You haven’t had a good day today, have you?”
“No. It was Grampy’s funeral today.”
“I’m sorry.”
There was a long silence and we just sat there listening to the rain. Memories came back to me. I couldn’t believe Clay had always been there. I told him I would return years ago, and he grew up just like me. I could see that he carried a lot of hurt, and I tried to avoid eye contact until he finally said, “I missed you, Annaka.”
“I missed you too, Clay.” We looked at each other for a long moment, and I said, “I just go by Anna now.”
“Okay, Anna.”
I began to weep. Clay slid over and gave me a hug. I held on to him just as tight as I’d held on to Grampy. I was home, and finally felt close with someone I didn’t have to hide anything from.

Chapter 6
I woke up the next morning in the passenger seat with a stomachache. Clay was gone, but the journal sat on the driver’s side seat. I had no idea where he went, but I had a feeling he would be back. I put the journal in the glove compartment for safekeeping. When