Annaka

be the main character of my own story. I want to have my own great journey.” I paused and shook my head. “Maybe that’s egoistic, I don’t know.”
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. What are you looking forward to while being back?” she asked. “Stupid question,” she cut back in. “You’re here out of grief, not on a vacation.”
“To be honest, with how my nan is doing, I don’t know. I think I’d rather head back to Halifax. I got a life to pursue, and I was hoping this summer could be the stepping stone for it all.”
“What kind of stepping stone?”
“Y’know, saving money. Next year is grade twelve, so I guess I wanted to be a step ahead for college. But then this happened and it shook everything up.”
“Well, if you’re here for a while then you’re always welcome here,” Tia smiled.
I took a swig of the drink and smiled back. “So what have you been up to, Tia Evans? What’s life been like in Yarmouth?”
“That’s a good one.” Tia shrugged. “I guess everyone is kinda like you: they wanna save up money, go to college, and leave town.”
“How about you?”
“Not quite my plan, I guess. As small as this town is, I love it here. I don’t want to be thought less of for wanting to stay, y’know?”
“I get that.” I immediately felt bad for telling her my plan. I loved Yarmouth too, but the idea of staying here seemed impossible, even as I was stuck there.
“Well, what do you wanna do?” I followed up.
“I wanna create a music festival!” She sat up with bright eyes. “I want to create a reason for more people to come down here, and stay hopefully. The music scene here comes and goes, but I want to build some type of longevity, y’know?”
I smiled at that. “What are steps are you taking?”
“I started reading lots on music business and grant writing. I’m hoping to get something going by next summer, even if it’s small. Gotta start small before we get big, right?”
“That’s the spirit.” I smiled.
I looked across at the CD player; beneath there was a frame and inside there was a picture of Tia and Jonathan. Jonathan looking proper, smiling at the camera while Tia had her tongue sticking out with two peace signs up in the air.
“I’m wondering if my dad is still in town,” I said. “I never met him. But I do know that Yarmouth is too small a town to be surrounded by strangers.”
Then I paused. I don’t know why I had to say that out loud. God, I hadn’t even been here for twenty-four hours and I had already let that cat out of the bag.
Tia looked at me with non-judgmental eyes and asked, “Do you think about your dad a lot?”
“I mean, sure. As much as anyone else who hasn’t grown up with a father. Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Father’s Day. Every time I get into an argument with Mom.” I usually wouldn’t say things like that out loud, but Tia made me feel like I could. But that didn’t mean an awkward silence didn’t fill the air.
“Sorry if that’s kind of a lot,” I said, embarrassed. Sure, Tia made me feel like I could be open but I forgot I hadn’t seen her in ages; dropping heavy shit on her like that probably wasn’t always welcome.
“No, not at all. Don’t worry about it, Anna,” Tia reassured me. “Those feelings are real and honest. I think it’s natural to think of that when coming back. It’s the town where you’re from, but also where he’s from too. I’m sorry if there isn’t much I can offer, but if things ever get heavy at home, you can crash here. This place is a lot bigger than my old bedroom. And besides, company is nice.”
“Just like when we were kids,” I mentioned. “You still hang with our crew? Laura, Taylor, Lucy?” To be fair, they were never “our crew” as much as they were Tia’s. They kind of thought I was weird. I guess maybe I was. I mean, I was the only one who never outgrew my imaginary friend.
“Yeah, we’re still all pretty close,” Tia said as she got up and stretched. “I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you if you stick around.”
I lay back in my seat—I didn’t realize how tired I was, but it had been a long day. The Christmas lights Tia had up were a nice touch.
I closed my eyes, but heard Tia messing around with her CD player, and music began to fill the air. A low melody broke the silence. There is always something intimate about finding out what music your friends listen to. Sharing music was sharing the rhythms and beats that got you through difficult times. I took another drink. I pretended the lights above my head were stars in the sky. I thought about the idea of heaven and wondered if Grampy was there. I didn’t believe any of that stuff, but the thought was nice; if heaven were real, I would want Grampy to be comfortable there. I guess I was worried in a weird way. I didn’t like the idea of Grampy just not existing anymore.
“Do you believe in heaven?” I asked out of the blue.
Tia sat up; the question caught her off guard.
“Okay, that one is kinda heavy,” she said. She turned down the music with a remote. “Uh…I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Meaning?”
“I don’t think so, no. But it’s not something I would ever say to my grandmother. Being black and being an atheist aren’t really two things that mix well, if you get what I mean.”
I nodded. “I feel that.”
She had a point. Sometimes being black and being a non-believer didn’t sit well with the elders. Often, it’s a conversation that never happens because we never know what will happen if we decide to bring it up. Grampy didn’t believe in God. He didn’t talk about that much, but that didn’t stop