WRAITH (Iron Kings MC, #1)

out,” I told him. “Not after what we shared last night.”
“That was different,” he said, turning away and striding out of the room.
His words were like ice-cold water coursing through my veins and stabbing at my heart. I’d thought last night had been more than just something physical. I’d thought it’d meant… everything. It had to me. Had I made a mistake? Had I missed some signs or messages he’d been sending me? Had it just been a one-off thing to him? Was that all I’d been, a one-and-done? A sickly feeling settled in my gut. Was I just like the club whores that hung around my dad’s club? Just an easy, quick fuck to take the edge off of everything going on right now?
As much as the idea of that possibly being the case disgusted me, I had to know either way.
So, I followed out after Finn, hurrying down the stairs, and cornering him in the living room where I found him taking a swig from a bottle of whiskey.
My intention to talk things out calmly, flew right out the window when he looked out at me and all I saw was agitation in his eyes. “So, I’m good enough to fuck, but not good enough to share things with?”
He physically jolted at my accusation. “That’s not it.”
“Really? It sounds a hell of a lot like it to me. I let you in last night, Finn. You’re the only one I’ve ever let get that close to me.”
Intensity flared in his gaze. “Same.”
I stilled, caught off guard in a major way. What the hell? “I don’t understand.”
He sighed heavily and put down his bottle. Looking me right in the eye, he said, “You begged me not to hold back with you last night, to let go with you.”
“And you did.”
“Partly.”
“What? Why? I thought—”
“I know what you thought, but I had no choice.”
“Well, that’s a load of bull.”
“Ashley!” he snapped. “I don’t open up! Not to anyone, not for anything! Not even a little fucking bit! But I did for you. I risked it.”
“So you could get your dick wet.”
“Because I couldn’t stand the idea of losing you.”
Oh.
Some of the fight went out of me. I didn’t have an immediate comeback.
It gave him the leeway to carry on. “I broke my rules. For you. I let my feelings for you transcend the stakes of everything surrounding us. You’re my closest friend’s daughter. You’re technically my client. Not to mention, my personal rule of never getting involved with anyone. I’m a ghost. I can’t live a normal life. I can’t step out into the world. I’m dangerous, the world I inhabit is dangerous. Living by a strict set of rules is what has kept me alive, kept me sane, and kept the twisted part of me at bay. So, yeah, opening up at all and loosening my iron-fisted grip on my control is a major risk for me and for anyone in my orbit.”
“Finn, I hear you, but I got to know you well when you were recuperating at the clubhouse months ago and we’ve grown closer over these last few weeks. There’s no doubt in my mind when it comes to you. You are a good man, Finn Jones. A decent, kind, loving, and chivalrous man.”
He started shaking his head, as though willing my words away, as though he couldn’t bear to have them out there. “Ashley,” he sighed sadly. “No.”
I bolted forward and grasped his hands. “I’m not afraid of you.”
“Maybe you should be.”
“Well, that’s not exactly a comforting thing for my bodyguard to be telling me.”
“I meant, if I open up any further. Right now, I’m in full control. Last night was a slip. It can’t happen like that again. If we’re going to do this thing, I need time to do it safely, gradually. And I need your patience.”
“You really think you could just suddenly snap and lose it?”
“I have.”
I actually knew a lot more about what he was referencing than he realized. When he’d lost his mind and committed a slew of atrocities. But that had been years ago. I’d thought it had been long behind him. Clearly, he didn’t feel the same way. It was possible that his reasoning and his belief in the worst about himself, about the possibility of that darkness unleashing again was misguided. But it was how he felt, regardless. I had to respect that.
“Why do you think I lived cut off from the world for so long?” he went on.
“Because you’re a wanted man and you have dangerous enemies.”
“That was my excuse. The truth was, I needed to. I had to cut myself off to regain control. And now, being pulled back into all of this is jeopardizing that.”
“It’s too much all at once,” I realized. “Stepping back into the world. The violence and murder. Getting close to me.”
“Yes,” he said, looking relieved that I was understanding his complicated situation. He softened and slid his hand into my hair, stroking with a tenderness that had my breath catching. “You could never be a meaningless fuck to me. You mean something to me. I care about you, Ashley. I want you in my life. I never would’ve crossed that line with you last night if I wasn’t prepared to own that. But I won’t let you get pulled into my darkness.”
“You have to tread carefully.”
“Exactly.”
“All right,” I conceded.
“Yeah?”
I nodded. “I’ll give you time, but don’t just stand still. Try.”
“Believe me, I am.”
“Okay,” I said, stepping into him and hooking my arms around his neck. He took the cue and leaned down to brush his lips against mine. I relished his soft and sweet kiss, a world away from the wild roughness of last night. It was just another facet to his extremely complicated personality that I enjoyed.
He just needed to see that acceptance from me, to truly believe it.
And I’d help him get there.
Maybe that would then help him to open up without fearing the consequences.
He wanted time, then I’d