Pinky and the Beast

yours
for the next six months. Rejoice!”

Chapter 3
Max
I have a crazy person living in my house, and I can`t get her out. Apparently, I have done something really, really bad, because the universe has decided to send my worst nightmare to live with me.
When I first saw the picture Hoggins sent, I thought she didn`t look like any other assistant I had ever had. She has shoulder-length wavy pink hair, and she`s dressed like she just came back from Coachella or some shit. She`s cute in a hippie kind of way, but she isn`t my type, which I see as a definite plus since being attracted to a woman I`m forced to live with and be around 24/7 isn`t a good idea. Unlike most of my team members, I don`t feel the need to fuck anything with a pulse, and I`m pretty picky about who I sleep with. I like sophisticated, well-spoken, intelligent women, and I know it`s probably because I was raised by a woman who is all those things.
My mom was a history professor at Stanford University while my father was a physics professor there before they both retired. My two older brothers, David and Jeremy- who are twins, both work at NASA and Ema, for all her being-a-barista-and-an-indie-writer has a degree in English from Berkeley.
In short, I come from a family of brilliant people in which I`m the odd man out.
I mean, I`m not dumb, but I was always an average student, which I hated. The only thing I excelled at was football, so I`ve always taken it very seriously. And that`s why this situation is so hard for me.
I`ve been lucky enough in my career to not have any significant injuries before now, and the one time I get hurt bad, I had to go and get a doctor who pushed that fucking Fentanyl on me.
I didn`t want to take it at first, but he convinced me, and then this whole shitshow started. If I had known what would happen, I never would have taken it, no matter how bad the pain.
Now I`m stuck with miss weirdo for six months, and after our first meeting, I know there`s no way the whole „i`ll try to be as unintrusive as possible” thing is going to happen.
She `s a one-woman show, and she couldn`t be unintrusive if she tried.
Her bedroom is two doors down from mine, and it`s the first time I regret not having bought a bigger house. I was going to be impossible to get away from her in such a small space.
After taking a shower, I go to the kitchen to see what I can make for dinner.
I`m a shitty cook, but I try to keep as much healthy food as possible in the fridge because when you do what I do for a living, you need to take care of your body.
I walk into the kitchen, and I see chaos. And in the middle of said chaos, I see her. Of course.
„What in the hell are you doing?”
She looks up at me with a smile, which is kind of creepy since she`s also holding a huge knife in her hand.
She has what looks like my entire stock of pots and pans around her. There`s a frying pan on the stove and something boiling in a pot beside it. She`s dressed in a pair of yellow shorts and a pink t-shirt with the peace sign on it.
Not a hippie, my ass!
„Hey. Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes .”
Again with the smile like we`re the best of friends or something.
„Why are you making dinner, and why does my kitchen look like huns invaded it?”
She waves that huge fricking knife in the air before answering.
„Preparing your meals is in my job description, and besides, I don`t mind since I love cooking. As to the mess, I`ll clean it up after we finish eating. I`m a great cook, but I`m also a messy one .”
She shrugs like it`s no big deal she practically destroyed my kitchen.
„What are you making? I have to watch what I eat since I haven`t been working out.”
She nods.
„I know, don`t worry. I`m making  pan-seared salmon with a lemon garlic sauce, steamed vegetables, and sotted asparagus .”
Ok, so that does sound good, but I still don`t like her in my kitchen. However, she is cooking me dinner, so I at least have to offer to help.
„I`m not very handy in the kitchen, but do you need me to help with something?”
She beams at me like I was asking her to marry me or something.
„That`s very sweet of you, but I got this handled .”
„It`s not that I`m sweet, but I was taught that if you don`t help with the meal, you have to clean up, and I`m telling you right now I`m not cleaning this disaster .”
„I told you I'd clean up after we eat, I`m used to it. You can set the table, that way we can say you contributed.”
„Fine, whatever.”
I start setting the table, and I have to admit that the longer I`m in the kitchen, the better the food smells. I was going to make a salad or something, but the longer I smell what she`s cooking, the more my mouth waters, and soon, I`m getting impatient.
„Here we are. I hope you like it.”
She puts a plate of food in front of me, and I have to admit it looks incredible. It`s plated just like in a fancy restaurant, and I barely manage to wait for her to sit down with her plate before I attack mine.
And it`s incredible. The flavors are so rich that I can`t help a small moan of appreciation from escaping my mouth. She looks at me the entire time, waiting for my reaction, and she smiles huge when she sees I like it.
„I take it you approve?”
I want to be a jerk right now and say it`s just ok, but I know she won`t buy it, and besides, I feel like saying this is