Empire of Lies
finishes, he has the audacity to ask me if I have any questions.“Fuck you, Michael.” I step back. “Fuck you.”
“I never told you that this would be a fairytale,” he says. “I told you on the night we met that we couldn’t go any further. It’s your fault for getting your goddamn hopes up.”
“I thought you said that you wanted me to trust you.”
“You should trust me,” he says. “I just helped you get a whole new goddamn life. You can’t go back to New York, and you damn sure can’t live in the United States,” he says. “You can make something of yourself overseas, though. You once said that you could live anywhere and do fashion, so now’s the chance to see if you’re right.”
“Michael, please tell me that this is some type of sick joke. What about us? All the things you said about restarting what we had?”
“This is the end of us, Meredith.” He shrugs. “I said all of those things because at one point I thought I could mean them. Now, I’ve realized that I don’t, and I think that’s for the best.”
I don’t respond. I just let my mind remind me just how big of a fool I am for ever trusting this man.
“I need you to listen very carefully to this final list of directions I’m about to give you.” He starts talking again. “I wrote you this letter explaining the first part of everything I’ve done in detail. Should you take my advice and arrive at all the locations on time, a second letter will arrive explaining the rest.”
I take the letter from his hands and rip it in half. Then into smaller shreds, again and again.
“You’re going to regret that, Meredith.”
“The only thing I regret is falling in love with you.”
“So, you don’t enjoy living?” he hissed. “Because that’s far more important than some relationship. I’ve just ensured that you’ll get to keep doing that. You can say, ‘Thank you’ at any given time.”
I stand still, shocked to my core. First the news of my father, and now this. His way of ensuring I have a new life doesn’t sound like “living” at all.
“Who burned you this badly?” I say, looking at him. “Who fucked you up to the point where you can walk away from someone who loves you enough to be fucking okay with everything you’ve done?”
“You don’t know half of the things I’ve done, Meredith…”
“I’m willing to assume,” I say, stepping close to him as more tears fall down my face. “I feel like there’s a reason for what you’ve done, and you can trust me enough to tell me.” I stare at him, waiting for him to come to his senses. “I’m sorry for whoever or whatever burned you so badly in the past, but mark my words, Michael. I will never forgive you or take you back if you leave me here like this.”
“I’ll never beg for you to take me back, Meredith,” he says. “We both know that’s not my style. You’re welcome for everything. I wish you the best in your new life.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
“If there was more, I would’ve said it.”
I nod and bite my tongue; he can have the last word.
He can have the last glimpse of me because I’ll never let him back into my life again.
Taking a step, I look this man over one last time. I silently scold myself for getting my hopes up, for ever thinking that “we” were ever anything more than a planned game for him. He’s always been the far better player than I am, and this is the ultimate checkmate.
He looks at his watch, and then he walks to his car and slips into the driver’s side, pulling off without word.
He disappears into the distance and although I’m struggling to hold back tears, I can feel my heart shattering in my chest.
I was such a fool for ever trusting you…
Michael Now
I stare at Meredith in my rearview mirror as I drive forward and leave her in my past. That’s where she’ll remain for the rest of her life.
She was a mere chapter in my book and this is our final page.
No happily ever after included.
I watch as she wipes her eyes, as she moves to the middle of the road and throws up her middle finger.
I consider throwing it back, but I don’t.
I just keep driving.
As I move farther away from her, I feel a familiar pang return to my chest—the same one I felt once before when I almost completed the intended job and killed her.
I can also hear a voice in my head, begging me to go back and get her—to come up with another alternative, where we can perhaps be together, but my job is done. I’ve done far more than I’m supposed to do for her, and one day she’ll be able to see that.
Truth is, I’ll never be whole or able to completely care for anyone besides myself until I finish dealing with the people who have brought me years of pain. I need to spend the next few months focusing on trying to put it away once and for all, even if I know that it’s hopeless to dream of a night when it won’t haunt me in my sleep.
Meredith may be just as broken and lonely as I am, but she’ll never know the same type of pain. She’ll never know what it feels like to cope after being “burned so badly”…
Michael Long Before
When Someone “Burned Me That Badly…”
Trevor trembles in the cold, looking at me with tears in his eyes. “Did you win your chess match up there today?”
I don’t answer.
We both know that he doesn’t care. He’s just asking a question to pass the time, trying to make me think about something other than the hellish state of our existence.
“I’ve managed to make a few new friends down here,” he says. “I mean, granted they can’t talk,