Shameless (The Therapist #2)

other anymore?”
In the time that Dr. Colson was letting us argue while he jotted notes, he came up with his best and toughest question yet, and I don't know the answer. I don't know if it’s that I don't like Brandon anymore, or if it’s that I don't know myself well enough to like who I am.

Chapter Two
~ Tessa ~
The sound in the room is vacuumed out, and the cold silence left behind is blaring. The three of us sit awkwardly now. Dr. Colson’s eyes move back and forth between Brandon and me, never settling on either of us. No one speaks. Within the stillness is the answer, hanging there like a vine, dangling back and forth between all of us.
Brandon and I don't look at each other. The anger has risen too high now, and neither of us can see over it. It’s blocking our view of the things we hold dear about each other, and I don't know if there’s any more progress to be made today, but Dr. Colson isn't one to give up. He takes pride in his ability to bring people together, and give couples a fighting chance. I can tell he takes this as a challenge, and he’s determined to win. I’m just not sure if there is any victory to be had in this game Brandon and I are playing.
Dr. Colson lets out an exhausted sigh, before tossing his notepad onto the wooden desk between us.
“Okay,” he begins, his voice coming out as calmly as possible. “We have to remember why we’re here. You're not the first couple who has come in here and had arguments. That’s what therapy is for. You’re supposed to resolve issues that you're emotionally attached to. It’s stressful and difficult, but we get through it together.”
Brandon keeps his eyes trained on the hardwood floor, but I maintain eye contact with Dr. Colson as he goes on.
“No matter what, speaking up is always the best idea,” Dr. Colson lectures. “We have to use our words, but we also have to remember not to be disrespectful, because no one wants to engage in a conversation where they feel disrespected. I can see that today is an emotional day for both of you, but nonetheless, I’m proud of you. This is our fourth session together, and it’s the first time both of you have communicated openly. We’ve had days where only Tessa was able to open up, and days where only Brandon spoke, but you both communicated today, and that’s great. Even if it got a little testy, it’s always good when both parties can communicate.
“Now, I know I’ve floated a question that’s difficult to answer, but I think it’s important that we end today’s session as best we can. Sometimes, the best way might not be the easiest way. It might not be the way that makes you happiest right now either. The answer to the question, though, is a crucial step in how the three of us will proceed.
“Sometimes, when we love each other, we forget to like each other. We forget to enjoy each other’s company, and we forget what brought us together in the first place. There can be love deep inside, but if we don't like each other, it’s really hard to continue. So, I think both of you need to think deeply on this question and see what answer comes up. If you can't answer right here and now, that's fine, but let’s give it a try. Tessa, do you still like Brandon?”
My heart feels like it just got into a car wreck and went flying out the window, leaving me stunned inside the damaged vehicle, staring blankly at the destruction around me. I don't know how to answer because I feel like I can't even think right now.
How did it all come to this? Brandon and I were good two years ago. When we first met, we laughed all the time and wanted to spend every minute together. We had sex a lot, like most new couples do, and the sight of him walking into the room put a smile on my face.
I remember the good times like they were yesterday, and I don't even know when all of that stopped. I don't know when his pursuit of a music career became this overbearing thing that ran roughshod over our relationship. I don't know when his ego got so big and his perception of me became so ugly. I don't know when we started to resent each other. I don't know when I started questioning whether or not Brandon was even my type. I have no idea when all of this began, but I feel like it’s so far gone now, there’s no turning back. No matter how much therapy we go through, we won't be able to spark the flame again.
Before I know what hit me, there are tears gliding down my face. I hate crying, but I do it so often these days, it’s the only thing in my life that feels familiar. The stream of tears doesn't stop, and Brandon exhales next to me, frustrated at the sight of his girlfriend weeping once again.
“Tessa,” Dr. Colson says to me. “Tears are always telling. They have a meaning behind them, so if you can, I’d like you to try to speak to that. What are you feeling right now?”
“I don't fucking know,” I snip, not at Dr. Colson, and not even at Brandon. Maybe I’m snipping at myself for being so unaware. I take a deep breath and try to gather my thoughts so I can speak coherently. “I’m just very confused. My whole life, I’ve gone along with things that I wasn't sure about. I always had people pushing me, telling me what to do, and it’s gone on for so long that I don't know what I like. I just feel confused all the time.”
“Oh, and that’s my fault?” Brandon explodes with raised arms.
“I didn't say it was your