Wicked
best sex I’ve ever had. Are you happy now?” She grabbed a handful of chips and stuffed her mouth to keep from saying any more.“Dayum. I knew it,” Callie said.
“He was fabulous, wasn’t he?” Abby asked.
“Yeah,” she managed with a mouthful of chips.
“So did you stay the weekend with him?”
She polished off the margarita. “No. I went home after one night.”
Callie’s eyes widened. “Why?”
Blair shrugged.
“You’d better start talking, or I’m going to call Rand for the details,” Abby threatened.
Blair’s head shot up. “Don’t you dare!”
“Then tell us what the hell happened! Because if you don’t, I swear to God I will go to Rand and get his side of the story.”
Blair gaped at Abby. She’d never known her friend to be so fierce before. And she really did need to talk this out, and who better to listen than her two best friends? If she couldn’t trust them, who could she trust?
“Okay, but not here. I can’t talk about this here.”
“My place,” Callie said, grabbing her purse and signaling the waitress for the check.
An hour later they were settled in Callie’s living room, shoes off and comfortable with a pitcher of homemade margaritas and salty snacks spreads out all over the coffee table. Abby and Callie stared at her expectantly.
She’d never told anyone about her secret desires before, not even her two friends. It was now or never, though, and she needed counsel.
“Y’all probably aren’t going to believe this, because I’ve always been the domineering and controlling type, but in the bedroom I’m a complete and total submissive.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Callie said with a soft smile.
Blair’s jaw dropped. “You knew?”
“I did. Don’t know about Abby.”
Abby shook her head, her eyes wide. “Color me clueless. You? Submissive? I had no idea.”
Okay, that wasn’t as bad as she thought it was going to be. She looked at Callie. “How did you know?”
“A few things you’ve said over the years. Plus I know Rand, I know his type. He’s totally dominant. And he melts your butter in a big way.”
Her pussy clenched just thinking about all the ways. “That he does.”
“Now that much I did know,” Abby said. “So why aren’t you still over there?”
“Because he scares me. And my reaction to him scares me.”
“Why?” Callie asked, leaning back against the sofa.
Blair tucked her feet under her and focused on her margarita glass, feeling ashamed for what she was about to admit. “I watched my father control every movement my mother made. How much money she spent. Who her friends were, where she spent her time. She couldn’t even go the grocery store without him timing her and then accusing her of cheating on him. And no matter what she did it wasn’t good enough. She didn’t get up on time, she didn’t walk right, she didn’t dress right. By the time I was old enough to move out on my own she was nothing more than a robot following his commands. She lived a miserable existence her entire life because of a domineering man. She had no backbone, no self-esteem, and not enough self-worth to walk out on him. He tried to do the same thing to me, but I bucked him every chance I could, refusing to allow him to bend me to his will.
“I vowed I would never, ever fall in love with a man like that, that I would never involve myself with a strong-willed, controlling, domineering man.”
The room grew silent, and Blair was afraid to look at Abby and Callie, afraid they’d judge her mother’s failings and somehow find her lacking, too.
Instead, her two friends flanked her on either side of the sofa, and she was sandwiched between them in a fierce hug that made her eyes sting with tears.
“You aren’t responsible for your father’s behavior or your mother’s lack of a spine,” Callie said after she pulled back and looked at her.
Tears shined in Callie’s amber eyes. And sadness.
“Don’t cry for my mother. She was weak. I’m not.”
“I know you’re not.”
Abby squeezed her hand. “And Rand is nothing like your father.”
Blair nodded. “The logical part of me knows that. The emotional part of me runs like hell every time he comes near me and always has. It’s what kept me from him all these years, what has drawn me to wimpy men instead of the alpha, take-charge man like Rand is.”
She shuddered her next breath. “I’ve loved Rand McKay since I became aware of the sexual differences between men and women. He’s funny, honorable, intelligent, gentle, and has a core strength that turns my knees to jelly. I knew then what he was, and what I was. I knew he could give me what I needed. Because I am sexually submissive. In every other aspect of my life I’m strong, capable, in control. In the bedroom I like to submit. And it scares me that if I surrender to him there, he might want me to surrender everywhere else. I just . . . can’t.”
“Have you told him about your fears?” Callie asked.
She shook her head. “No.”
“You should.”
“I won’t take that chance. I know it’s cowardly of me, but I can’t risk losing my soul to a man who’ll want to dominate every breath I take.”
“You can trust him,” Abby said. “I feel it in my heart. He’s one of the good guys. And I think he’s been waiting for you his whole life.”
Blair inhaled, fear making her tremble. “That scares me, too. That I can’t be what he wants me to be.”
“I’ve never seen you this way,” Callie said. “You’re one of the strongest women I know. Nothing scares you.”
“This does. He does. How I feel about him does. Everything about the two of us together scares me. I can’t be with him.”
“So you’re going to walk away rather than figuring out if you and Rand could work together,” Abby said.
Blair looked at her and nodded. “Yes.”
“You might be walking away from the greatest love of your life.”
A sharp, knifelike pain twisted