A Christmas Cotillion

of increasing compromise, and the blame he took for the relationship finally fracturing as it did. Nick was silent, listening carefully as Jonathan finished. “He went off on the continent travelling and I poured myself into restoring the farm and tried to put it all behind me.”
Nick looked up, a hint of uncharacteristic anger in his eyes, “He sounds like an idiot,” he said flatly.
Jonathan bit back a laugh. He knew his past idol had feet of clay but that was putting it too flatly. He shrugged. “He is wealthy and unencumbered by family ties or ordinary needs. He could not understand why I stayed and took it as a rejection of his love.”
“Like any of us would abandon our families in a time of need,” Nick retorted. Jonathan remembered not only the warmth between Nick and his family but the way in which the Grants treated him almost like a son as he willingly helped them out with their houseful of guests. “He sounds like a spoiled selfish brat who only cared for you as long as you slotted into his chosen mode of life.”
Jonathan almost winced at that brutal interpretation of his past. He rejected it momentarily. But could there be a hint of truth in the harsh judgement? Considering this created a chink in his armour of self-blame. Had he judged himself too severely for Sebastian’s desertion all these years since? It genuinely hadn’t occurred to him that there might be fault on both sides.
His hand irresistibly cupped Nick’s smoothly shaved chin, those remarkable eyes gazing at him. He changed the subject to something less uncomfortable.
“What about you? No lovers hiding under the hedgerows?”
The humour returned to Nick’s face and he gave a rueful grin. “One has to be discreet, as you know, and living in a country area, safe opportunities are few and far between. It’s been strangers at house parties mainly, the odd guest or visitor that stays long enough to arrange a private ten minutes in an empty room but not long enough to cause disgrace.”
“Like me?” Jonathan tried to keep his tone light and humorous but the catch in his voice gave him away.
“Absolutely not,” Nick turned to him, the smile lighting his eyes. “You are definitely not a candidate for a quick suck in the Orangery.”
Jonathan choked back a gasping laugh and all he could say was, “Oh?”
“I never thought you a likely fellow for a bit of sport,” Nick said quietly, running his hand over Jonathan’s furred chest as though he could not resist touching him. “I didn’t even know if you liked me.” He smiled uncertainly and continued, “It was your sad eyes coupled with your gracious manners that caught my notice. How kind you are to everyone while keeping yourself apart. I wanted to break through your reserve. Make you laugh and smile for real.”
“Oh,” Jonathan said again. Feeling this was slightly inadequate, he added,” you have.”
“Good,” Nick said and kissed him again. If the first time in bed had seemed leisurely, this felt endless, the flow of hands on the other’s skin as they lay side by side, bodies pressed against each other with no urgency, just building and building to limitless rippling pleasure.
Afterwards, as Nick dozed in his arms, Jonathan felt complete. With Sebastian, he had been dazzled, swept along in the glorious sunbeam of his approval, but this felt different; warmer, grounded, and real. With that thought, he drifted off to sleep, wholly contented.

Chapter 12
The next morning he awoke alone. He knew Nick was simply being careful of their good names, returning to his own overnight quarters before the household was up and about, but he felt bereft and cheated not to wake in his lover’s arms. As he went through the morning routine, washing, dressing, then making conversation over breakfast, all the while he was calculating how to continue the affair, if that was what Nick wanted.
He realised that not only had his body reawakened to pleasure but his heart had opened too. After all those long years alone, he did not want to lose this opportunity, if possible.
As he was leaving the breakfast table, Freddy caught him and suggested an amble around the garden. Knowing there must be some agenda at hand, Jonathan was not particularly surprised when Freddy announced, “I think we should leave before the New Year.”
With a twinge of uncharacteristic irritation, Jonathan thought it was typical of his cousin to assume he had no plans of his own and simply existed to fall in with Freddy’s whims.
However, out loud he merely agreed, “Very well. When are we departing?”
It became rapidly clear that this was what Freddy was unsure of and needed to discuss in detail while traversing the shrubbery. The local countrymen amongst the party were warning of a blast of cold weather within the next few days, which might even promise some snow. This was the cause of Freddy’s dilemma.
He did not want to be caught in a house for an unspecified time to be reminded of his romantic disappointment which might even outweigh his enjoyment. Although Miss Corinna had responded favourably to the politely wide berth he’d given her for the past few evenings and was again casting pretty glances at him from under her eyelashes, Freddy had learned his lesson and did not respond. Nothing like hurt pride to seal the deal, Jonathan surmised privately.
At the same time, Freddy did not want to miss any remaining entertainment and varied company compared with that of his mother and siblings at home, where he could not shine as brightly.
Jonathan patiently listened to all the possible permutations that were only about Freddy’s comfort and pursuit of pleasure. Amiably and without that self-interested young man noticing, he steered him to decide that if they left after luncheon the next day, then they could stay overnight at a coaching inn and be at their destination the following late morning.
This would give Jonathan time to write to his aunt to warn her of their