Never Enough

Madame Director Tanith Salazar that she does not yet know exist, and chuck it all into a gallery.” Dana was snickering. Tanith had been very single-minded on set; Andy probably had about a thousand good pictures of her. “Then I have a new photography thing in the works. It’s not a big production. There’s some prep work that can mostly happen while we’re away, then one day of shooting.”
“Glad to hear it. Any hints?”
“Our friend Janis, the jazz gal? Her tour manager and his husband.
They’re going to play Prospero and Ariel for me.” Dana looked over with clear interest. “It was their idea. I was going straight to O’Toole-Sharif slashfic.” Dana laughed, nodding. “Yeah, you saw them at the premiere.
Aside from that, I have to get over to Miami for a minute to check on the parents. But.”
“But what.” Dana did not make any moves to go. She and Andy didn’t get much one-on-one time. Being able to actually talk through an issue either of them was having felt like real luxury, and it sounded like Andy had an issue.
“So I thought after all those years of ‘Vice’ and especially after hearing me bitch about ‘Vice’ for all those years, he would be kind of ready to solo for a while, right? And then we were talking and I realized he wasn’t. Isn’t.
He’s doing a voice project in town, and then he’s got the movie shoot. The plan was for me to go out in June and do my little cameo and then hang out the way I did on number two in Miami. Oh, and I’m taking Molly this time.
At the moment that’s basically leaving the month of May that we’re not together, which, you know, not a big deal. But.” He stopped again.
“Andy.” Dana waited. He didn’t say anything. She knew this either meant he was still processing, or what he’d thought of was unsettling. “You know how much he loved doing that relationship stuff with you on ‘Vice.’
Right up to the movie, he thought that reunion scene was his best work. Like, ever.”
Andy looked slightly surprised. “He told you that?”
“He told me that, Tanith that, his agent that. And he was a hundred percent non-conflicted about loving what you did in Tanith’s movie, even after that curve ball you threw him. He said you took him places he never thought he could get to. He loves working with you. He wants maximum time with you. And I’m guessing now more than ever.” Now that he’s stared death in the face, she thought.
“That’s what I realized. We’re still seeing a counselor, but it’s all, like, coping with real life and security issues and PTSD. We haven’t gotten into how, or whether, our relationship might have changed.” Andy didn’t honestly think it had, but he might be kidding himself. He knew he still had some rage, couldn’t imagine that Victor didn’t have some dark stuff hanging out too, and couldn’t help fearing one of them was going to let some of that shit out at a
bad time. If there ever was a good time.
Dana was watching him think. “So? Has it?”
“I don’t know yet. I don’t think so?”
She heard the uncertainty. “You know,” she said, “one of the great things about you guys is you both want what’s best for the other. You’re like Dmitri and Patrick.”
“Or you and Rory.”
“Okay.” Dana smiled, accepting that. “Maybe that’s how it always is for people who manage to latch onto the right one. Anyway, are you talking to your person about rage?”
Oh shit. Andy said, “I am. It’s on tape, after all. A few people have said, you were ready to set the world on fire, weren’t you, and I couldn’t exactly turn around and say oh no I’m fine.”
“But not Victor?”
“He’s not verbalizing about that. I’m pretty sure it’s there.”
How could it not be, Dana thought. “How’s the security going to be on this tour of yours?” She saw Andy’s face change and added, “You haven’t thought of that?”
“Fuck me. No.”
“Well, do me a favor and talk to the promoter. I would assume since the company releasing the movie is the same one you’ve been working for, they know all about your situation and have a plan for that. But I think you both need to know.”
“Yes we fucking do.”
“Okay. So back to you and Victor working together.”
Andy latched onto the subject change with relief. “So my brain did one of its monkey jumps and went to, let’s start putting together a Broadway thing. A concert, song and dance thing we could do at Chrome. No target date. A thing to work on. A thing to tie us together, so he would know I’m still all in with him.”
“What did he say?” Dana loved the idea.
“Oh, he loved the idea. Even after I told him he’d need to take some jazz classes.”
“But you still have a concern.”
“Well, it’s the history. My history. I’ve got basically two decades of Broadway or touring shows under my belt. I’ve done it all before. I’ve got ten years of experience on him no matter how you count it, simply because I’m that much older.” Andy made a face. “We had a moment back at the beginning, when we were working on that Latin set at Chrome, his second show there.”
Dana had, of course, seen it. She hadn’t heard this story before. “What happened?”
“I told him what I wanted to sing, and he thought it was a joke, and I got kind of bitchy with him and said something about how I’d been doing this since whenever, and I hurt him. I had to work my way through all this stupid justification to find a real apology, which I wanted to give him, because I did not want to hurt him. I never have. But you know what a bitch I can be.”
“You’re much less of a bitch now.” He never had been that much of a bitch, but when he went there