Topsy Turvy Kinda Love
oh…”She purses her lips. “Is it possible?”
“Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”
“Well, you have a lot of the signs, Mia. Can you remember when the last one was?”
I don’t want to believe this. “But I’m on the patch.”
“I hate to break it to you, but birth control isn’t always one hundred percent effective. When was the last time you swapped out your patch?”
“Last month. Aren’t those things monthly? Like the shot, right?”
“Mia… I think you have to change those every week…”
I let my eyes count along the tiny dots on the ceiling. Shit. It’s been over a month.
Better yet, we didn’t use a condom once because I told him I was protected.
Oh. My. God.
My head falls to my hands, and I shake it. How was I so stupid?
“Fuck…” I drag the k out at the end.
“What?” Zara blurts out. “What is it?”
“I’m an idiot. I was so preoccupied with teaching Brooks sex that I couldn’t even remember to change my damn patch.”
“Well, before we jump to conclusions. Let’s take a test or six.”
I nod quickly. “Yes, good idea. I still don’t understand how this happened…”
“Hunny, it’s very easy to explain. The P goes in the V, and a little swimmer meets a little egg and bada bing bada boom, a baby, happens.”
I give her a light shove. “No, no, no. I know that, doofus. I mean how. We haven’t even been sleeping together that long…”
“Hunny, you’ve been fucking like rabbits. It only takes one time to get knocked up.”
“Ugh,” I groan again.
We both quickly grab our stuff to head out, but before we do, she leans over and hugs me. “Hey, don’t freak out yet, Mia. You don’t know if you’re pregnant, and even if you are, you’ve got me.”
“I’m not sure about any of this,” I mumble in a haze. What happens now? What if I really am pregnant? What will Brooks think?
Oh God, I need to tell Brooks… No, I need to know for sure first. My feet take me down the stairs to the ground level, and we walk to Zara’s car. She shoves me into the passenger seat and then jumps in to drive.
I groan, leaning against the window while thousands of thoughts plague my brain like pinpricks. What am I going to do? I wipe away a few tears that have formed. Suddenly, my crazy emotions start to make sense too. I’m such an idiot.
The ride to the convenience store is utterly silent. It wears on me. The fact that I may have a tiny human growing inside me freaks me the hell out, but I also feel somewhat attached to the idea.
A tiny Brooks and I. A little life. We may or may not have a little peanut on the way. Another tear slips down my cheek, and I wipe it away. I want to break down, shut the world out, and cry myself to sleep, but I can’t do that right now.
She pulls up to the curb outside the store, and we get out. My heart is in my chest as we make our way to the aisle that houses pregnancy tests. I’ve been in this aisle before, but it’s not the same. Before it was for condoms, now I’m looking at pregnancy things. Had I been in this aisle a couple of months ago, then maybe I wouldn’t now be looking at the pregnancy tests. I internally slap myself. Knock it the hell off, Mia.
“How in the hell do you choose? There are like six different choices.”
She shrugs and starts pulling them from the shelves into the basket. “Easy. Get one of each. Then you’ll know for sure.”
“I don’t have that much pee, Zar.”
“Well, grab some bottled waters on the way out. That’ll help the flow. Ha, ha. Get it, flow.”
“Not helping…” I mumble. In my haste to get to the store, I completely forgot my wallet. Tears form at the corners of my eyes, and I feel like I’m on the verge of a complete breakdown.
“Oh, good Lord, what now?” Zara looks over at me.
“I forgot my wallet at home.”
“No worries. I got you. What are best friends for, right?”
“Thanks, Zar.” I smile at her, but it feels fake. I don’t know what to think right now. Being pregnant is a huge kink in all of the plans I’d made.
Ha, the girl who doesn’t even believe in love gets knocked up. Doesn’t it figure?
She pays for the six tests and mouths off to the older checkout lady when she looks at us like prostitutes. This is why we’re friends.
Zara looks over at me when we get back in the car. “I can see a million things running through your mind. Look, it’s going to be okay.”
“It’s fucking karma, isn’t it, Zar? The girl who doesn’t even believe in love is more than likely knocked up. How am I going to do this? How am I going to tell Brooks?”
“I think he’s going to be just fine with it, sweets. Like put a ring on your finger and buy you that house on the corner of suburbia with a white picket fence in love with you. I can tell these things.”
“And how can you tell that exactly? I’m pretty sure we have the same feelings on love.”
“Just because I don’t believe it, doesn’t mean I’m blind. He’s completely gone for you.”
“He likes the hot sex we have, that’s all.”
“You keep telling yourself that if it’s how you sleep at night.”
“I’m in an emotional crisis over here, and you’re telling me how to sleep at night?”
“What did you expect, Mia? We’ve never been the ooo and ahhh type. You’re my bish, you know that, but this is even out of my league. Empathy isn’t my strong suit.”
We get back to the apartment, and I have an overwhelming feeling of dread pooling in my gut. What if it’s really just a stomach flu? Would I really be disappointed? I walk into the bathroom, and Zara follows. “You wanna watch me pee, Zar?”
“No,