Topsy Turvy Kinda Love
want us to have a real relationship, to be in love. Not to get married and rush things just because we’re having a baby. I was freaking out. You had just told me you were having my baby. Can I get a free pass just this once?”“I guess.”
“I need to know where you stand on all this, Mia.”
“What do you want to know? I’m freaked out, wondering if I can even be a mom. If I’ll even be good at it. I had a shit example growing up.”
“You’re going to be great, and what we don’t know, we’ll learn. I need to know how you feel about me, Mia. I can’t stand not knowing. Where do we stand?”
I take a long, deep breath. I want to give him the words that have been pounding my brain for the last two days. “I love you,” I whisper it.
He smiles at me and leans in. “What was that? I’m sorry you kind of whispered it.”
“I love you, Brooks.”
“You sure, cause I’m not allowing any take-backs on that one.”
“I’m sure. We got pedicures yesterday, and the only thing I could think about the whole time was that I wished it was you rubbing my feet. I wished it was you that I was hanging out with. My heart feels lost in a fog when you aren’t here with me. It physically hurt, not knowing where we stood. I never want to feel like that again. I don’t want to lose you either, Brooks.”
He reaches over and picks me up in a hug—kissing my face. “I.” Kiss. “Love.” Kiss. “You.” Kiss. “So.” Kiss. “Much. I’m going to mess up and do stupid shit, but that will never, ever change how I feel about you. Our love may be kinda topsy turvy, but it’s ours, and no one else will ever have one exactly like ours. We may not be your typical fairytale love. We definitely started out backward, but we won’t have regrets. You can trust me, Mia.”
“Yes, I want you, Brooks. I want you to hold my hand proudly as you walk down the street. If you feel like walking up to me in the middle of Topsy Turvy and kissing the hell outta me because you feel like it, then I want you to. I want to be brave, to be bold with our love. This whole situation is totally out of the blue and unexpected, but the truth is I don’t want to do it with anyone else. These next nine months may be hell for you. I’ve heard pregnant ladies are the worst sometimes. I’m going to have cravings. I’m going to need dick, and I’m going to need you to step up and handle it. I want a partner in this. I’m growing our child, that’s a miracle. I thought I didn’t believe in love. I thought it was a figment of the imagination, but you’ve shown me that it’s so much more than that.”
“Wait, can we back up to the you needing dick part of that speech?”
I slap him lightly on the shoulder. “Think with your head, Brooks, not your dick right now.”
He fake pouts. “But he was super happy at the prospect of being needed.”
“I’m sure he is, and I’ve been hella horny, so I’m going to need some tonight, so be ready.”
“Always ready for you babe, always and forever. You’re mine, and so is that little girl or boy you’re carrying, damnit.”
I lick my lips, and his eyes watch every second of the moment. I want so badly to jump his bones, but I feel like that would make me seem desperate. No, I need to keep composed for at least another hour. It’s a respectable amount of time to wait. And about all, I could handle. But first…
“Hey, Brooks. I need to apologize to you.”
He furrows his brows. “What for?”
I step into him, hugging him to me tightly. “I rushed into thinking the worst and jumped to conclusions. You’ve never given me any doubt that you love me. You’ve loved me to death. I should have taken a minute to think about things instead of just spouting off. It’s just… I know I’m not easy to love, but you seem to do it so easily.”
“Oh Mia. You don’t have to apologize.”
“I do. We both have something to learn from this whole situation, and I think if I tell you a little about my past then you may understand why I act the way I do.”
“Okay.” He’s quiet, waiting for me to speak.
“My sophomore year of college, I was dating a guy named Chad. He said all the right things, called himself my boyfriend. The night he told me he loved me, I gave him my virginity. The next day I overheard a conversation between him and his friends…” I take a deep breath, and a single tear slips down my cheek.
“He explained to them that I was just another virgin on his bedpost. That I’d fallen for every single word that he’d said. They’d laughed about it. About me. Like I was nothing more than just another lay. Like I wasn’t even a human being with feelings.” I peek up at Brooks and notice his jaw’s tight in anger. He pulls me in closer, trying to comfort me. His hands clench in fists at the small of my back.
“When I confronted him about it a couple days later, he told me I was crazy that he was just shooting the shit with the guys. When he realized that I didn’t believe his lies, he tried to backpedal and tell me that it wasn’t true that he really did love me. It was the day I decided that love wasn’t worth it if it hurt that bad. I thought he really liked me. I fell for every single one of his tricks, and I felt betrayed. Needless to say, several guys walked away from me when they wanted more than I would give them. I just