Holden's Resurrection (Gemini Group Book 6)

do women always have to shoulder the guilt? Have you ever stopped to think that if Paul was such a good friend to Holden he never would’ve touched you? Obviously, Paul wasn’t thinking about his friend when he crawled into bed with you.”
No, I hadn’t thought about it like that, mainly because I’d been too busy beating myself up. To be honest, I hadn’t thought about much except how badly I’d felt that Paul had been stuck with me the months before he died.
“I can’t do this,” I announced. “I’m sorry, Kennedy. I appreciate you offering to be my friend, but trust me, if you knew all the screwed-up things I did, you wouldn’t be offering.” I stood up and swiped at my tears before they started to roll down my cheeks. “Please, don’t be mad at Holden. We both messed up. It was both of our faults.”
“I don’t see how you can think that.”
“Because he was mine and I missed something. Something big. I thought everything was great but it wasn’t. There was something wrong and I missed the signs. Or maybe he’d been telling me in his own way he was unhappy and I ignored it.”
“Or maybe he’s a dumbass and should’ve talked to you.”
“I just want to stop loving him,” I whispered. “I want to forget. I never should’ve moved up here, but after Holden almost died I couldn’t stop myself. I had to know. I had to try to get him to listen to me one more time. It was selfish. I uprooted my daughter. I infiltrated his life. And now that I’m here, I can’t bear to take you all away from Faith. So, please, don’t be mad at him. Just pretend I never told you.”
“Charleigh.” Kennedy reached out and I stepped back.
“Please.”
“Okay. I won’t be mad.”
My mother was wrong, I wasn’t a reactor. I was a ruiner. Everywhere I went I ruined people’s lives.

8
“Yo!” Chasin called out as he opened the door to Holden’s Airstream.
He really needed to start locking the door. Actually, he needed to hook his rig up and move it off of Genevieve and Chasin’s land.
“Dude. Knock much?” Holden pulled his head out of the fridge. Not technically—however, he straightened after a solid five minutes of staring even though it was mostly empty.
“Evie’s in her studio,” Chasin informed Holden, as if that was an excuse not to knock. “I’ve given you a week and you haven’t said anything.”
“About?”
“Charleigh—”
“Don’t go there.” He slammed the door and pinned Chasin with a stare. “No more talking about Charleigh.”
“Brother, it’s eating you up. It’s time we talk about what happened.”
“What happened is I fucked over a good woman and I’m gonna pay for that for the rest of my life. There’s nothing more to it. And shut the damn door if you’re coming in, I’m not trying to heat the outside.”
Chasin closed the door but made no move to come farther in.
Good. That meant he wasn’t planning on staying, which if Evie was just across the yard in her music studio, Holden wasn’t surprised.
Genevieve Ellison-soon-to-be-Murray, or better known by her stage name Vivi Rush, had a set of golden pipes. There was a reason she’d climbed to the top of the charts when she’d released an album. However, she’d given up the fame to do what she loved to do—write music and help new artists. She and Chasin had converted an old barn into a kickass recording studio and office for Evie. The bottom floor also had a badass bar and lounge area.
Sometimes when she had bands she was producing over, they’d sit around the firepit in the space between Holden’s Airstream and the studio and throw back a couple of beers and jam. Sometimes the whole gang would come over and sometimes it would only be Holden and Chasin joining, sitting back to enjoy a live show.
“I’ve waited a long time to ask you this,” Chasin started. “Why’d you never tell Charleigh about Paul cheating on her?”
Holden tried but failed to keep his frame from going solid. He contemplated playing dumb, however, there was zero chance Chasin would fall for that line of bullshit.
“How’d you know?”
“Saw him the night we were at The Dog right before we took that trip to Tennessee. That was what, a month into their marriage? Asshole didn’t even try to hide it.”
The normal anger that accompanied thinking about all the fucked-up shit Paul had done flared to life. That night at the bar, Paul had been particularly open about taking a blonde out the front door only to come back in a half-hour later with a smile.
“Everyone else know?”
“My guess is Nix suspected it, but you know him. The way Paul died, he likely erased every bad thought he ever had about the man. Jameson was never Paul’s biggest fan. He wasn’t thrilled when Paul got shuffled into our squad when CJ left so he didn’t pay much attention to Paul. But Jameson was there that night, so I’d say he didn’t miss Paul flaunting that shit in front of you. But—”
All the hair on the back of Holden’s neck stood on end.
“Wait. What? You think he was flaunting picking up a woman in front of me?”
“Actually, I think he was taunting you with it. Paul never did hide the fact he was jealous as fuck of you. You beat him at pretty much everything.”
Jesus fuck.
“Seriously? I knew he had his eye on Charleigh, but she’s gorgeous so I didn’t think much about it.”
Chasin was quiet for a good long stretch before he seemed to win some internal battle and said, “I screwed you over.”
Holden’s brows knitted together and his muscles bunched at his friend’s admission.
“Come again?”
“That day in the park when I met with Charleigh. She told me straight out she loved you. I should’ve advised her not to marry Paul. But she was a wreck. Her parents were down her throat about the kid being born without a father. You’d pushed her away. Paul was pressing