I Have a Voice

else the person wouldn’t do it! It is therapeutically useful to assume that every behavior has a positive intention, that people do things because in their model of the world there is some positive or beneficial outcome for them. For example, if you elicit the positive intention for blocking, you discover that at a younger age it provided protection, attention, a sense of control, or revenge – which are probably no longer appropriate in their adult life.
With problematic behaviors like blocking and stuttering, the present behavior provides little that is positive for the person. You often have to look back to the origins of the behavior to find its positive intent at that time. At its inception the stuttering provided a solution to the problem the person was experiencing then. It changed the meaning of the situation and reduced the negative emotions being generated. The four positive intentions which I have encountered most frequently are that blocking and stuttering:
Protect me from being hurt.
Get me attention, make people notice me.
Provide the PWS a sense of having some control: “I cannot control this sick family but I can control my speech. I will block.”
Provide a way to “get back” at parents, teachers, therapists or peers.
CASE STUDY 3
Josh grew up in the home where neither parents knew how to give and receive love. Josh’s mother would reach out to him pretending to provide him with love and encouragement, but when Josh responded she would push him away. He queried, “How do I please her without being ridiculed, hit, or put in the corner?”
Later Josh spoke to his father about this. His father confirmed that when Josh was a small toddler his mother would indeed ridicule him, hit him, and put him in the corner of the room. This behavior of Josh’s mother created intense fear, insecurity and anger in him. All of these emotions became associated with his blocking and stuttering. I asked Josh to re-experience that intense fear, insecurity and anger. I then inquired of Josh the purpose for his stuttering. He immediately responded, “Stuttering is a way for me to strike back at the bitch. I want to make it frustrating and uncomfortable for her.”
This concept is extremely important. In order to bring about change, we must first find out the purpose of the behavior the person is wanting to change. If their behavior is producing a valid response to their need it is unlikely that they will change that behavior unless and until that need is beingmet in another, healthier way. For instance, in Josh’s case, he first needs to let go of the need to avenge his mother. Forgiveness is more likely when the person is able to dissociate from this involvement. Having a degree of objectivity about a key relationship enables them to find the necessary resources and reframe the meaning of that experience. These techniques are covered later in this book.
Josh’s need for vengeance fulfils a childhood purpose. He has to release this if he is to becomemore adult in his way of dealing with this relationship. Josh has no need for blocking or stuttering when he is able to forgive his mother and apply adult resources to the need for attention and protection. Essentially, he is growing up that part of him responsible for the childish behavior. The patterns in this book provide ways for healing the hurt behind such memories and for providing new ways for people to get what they want with blocking and stuttering. Reasons for blocking and stuttering
Children at school not only have their peers making fun of them because they stutter, they may also find school-teachers ridiculing them in front of the class. A history of such experiences can produce layers of hurt that locks in the block. Eventually the children identify with blocking and stuttering: “I am different. I really am.” “There is something wrong withme.” “I amuseless.” “I am worthless.” “I am a weirdo.”
Some children deliberately choose to stutter because that is a way of protecting themselves within a dysfunctional family or in a hostile school environment. One client chose to block and stutter as a child in order to make things uncomfortable for his parents because they made life uncomfortable for him. As he grew through childhood and adolescence, the fear and insecurity he had acquired to cope with his sick family preserved his blocking and stuttering. Overcoming the problem was consequently a real challenge.
Another client, whose mother smothered her as a child, started blocking and stuttering because she thought that the behaviour would control her very controlling mother. She also discovered that blocking and stuttering served her as an attention getter from those people around her.
As a clinician, be aware that the form of the childhood blocking and stuttering will vary for each person. So treat each client as a unique individual, rather than simply generalizing across all clients. It is only when you understand the structure of how each one blocks and stutters that you can design your interventions for their particular need.
CASE STUDY 4
Although the vast majority of people start blocking and stuttering in childhood, there are the rare PWS who begin when they are adult. For example, I received the following email from Matt:
I have a great deal of experience in Public Speaking … and, until recently, typically presented at over 100–150 Investor Seminars per year. About 4–6 months ago, I developed a stuttering “habit”, which seems to rear its head primarily while talking on the telephone … although a few times in front of a crowd.
It’s not a severe problem, but I find it somewhat annoying … I have actually begun to initiate “avoidance behavior” when it comes to speaking on the phone with people I don’t know too well. Two months ago I decided to make a career change (within the same firm) to become an Investment Advisor. (The career change was unrelated to the stuttering.)
I’m somewhat apprehensive and concerned about the obvious necessity of dealing with clients on the telephone…as this