Annaka

remember Grampy and I would use his old binoculars to look across the lake from our perch in the tree house. And on warm nights I would sneak out here with Clay and we’d use them, trying to follow the stars while the Milky Way was visible above us. The binoculars weren’t there now, but I looked across the lake and in the fading light I could just make out small boats and folks relaxing on a dock in beach chairs. I wish I felt as relaxed as they looked.
I sat there for a while. Eventually the moon made its way to the sky, and I saw constellations I hadn’t seen in years; I was happy to know they hadn’t gone anywhere. Unlike the stars, Clay must have moved on a long time ago. I sighed. It was time go inside and face my fears. I climbed down the ladder and walked back towards the porch. I heard Mom’s voice from inside as I passed an open window.
“It’s worse than I thought,” she was saying.
I paused and heard another voice, which I assumed was Lillian’s.
“I know, darling. This is a difficult time and you haven’t had an easy go. There are options, though.” She paused. “Have you thought about moving her into a home?”
I made sure I was out of eyesight and sat down so I could continue listening.
“She’s my Mom, Lillian. I can’t leave her to die in an old folks’ home. I just lost Dad.” Her voice started to give out. I had never heard Mom cry before.
“Oh, come here, sweetie,” I heard Lillian say.
I could hear Mom sobbing. I felt those tears flood my heart; it was beginning to sink. I just sat there feeling helpless. There are few things more uncomfortable than hearing your mother cry. Moms are supposed to know how to deal with everything…and if this broke her, what impact was it going to have on me? I was scared to see her—both of them—but I knew I had to stand up and make my way inside.
“This way, Tanya.” I heard Ben’s voice before I turned the corner.
“Nan’s name.” I whispered to myself. I could hear them sitting down on creaking chairs on the front porch. It was now or never. I made my way toward the creaking and said, “Hey” in a shy voice.
“Anna,” Ben greeted me awkwardly. I knew he didn’t want to be there for this. “I thought you were in the backyard.”
“I was, but it’s getting late and we’ve been on the road all day.” I made my way up the steps, and that’s when I saw her. She looked a lot older and a lot smaller. Her hair was white. She didn’t even acknowledge me.
And that’s when I choked up.
“Anna, maybe go inside?” Ben suggested.
Nan looked over at me. Her face didn’t light up when she saw me this time. She observed me for a minute and then she turned to Ben and asked, “She’s the other one? She’s moving in too?”
The other one? My name is Anna, I wanted to scream, not The Other One. I looked into Nan’s eyes but they were blank. She looked at me as if I was a visitor.
My arms and my legs felt completely numb after that. That was the only confirmation I needed. The memories of Nan teaching me how to swim, of her braiding my hair, of her teaching me how to play cards, of watching TV with her on the couch, and the memories of all the times we spent together…were gone.
I closed my eyes and let out a heavy breath.
“Anna,” Ben said. “Anna, I think you should go inside to your mother.”
I fought the tears as best as I could, and turned back down the path. The tears started rolling down my cheeks. I was a stranger to her. I didn’t want to see my mom or be in that house. I just wanted to get away from it all. For so long, I had wanted to return to Yarmouth. But I wasn’t ready for any of it. I wasn’t ready to return to a memory that didn’t remember me.

Chapter 3
I walked to the main road and counted the street lights for a while. I couldn’t believe I was nothing more than a stranger to my grandmother. I knew deep down it would happen, but I really didn’t know how much it would actually hurt. Mom had been trying to prepare me for the last couple of days, but I don’t think anything could have eased that blow. I felt aimless walking down the road but I eventually found myself in a familiar surrounding. I decided to keep going, I needed a clear mind.
I eventually made it to the downtown area and noticed most shops were closed. I remembered Main Street pretty well from my childhood. Every street corner I could look down and see the ocean. The weather was warm, but it wasn’t summer by any stretch, so I wasn’t sure if the vendors on the waterfront were open yet. Fish and chips didn’t sound like a bad idea, but then I saw the lights were still on at Ms. Layton’s corner store across the street. I hadn’t eaten anything since the burger I’d scarfed down on the road, and I could feel my stomach rumbling for a snack. It was half past eight, so I assumed I had at least a half hour before they closed. Small town hours. I didn’t see anyone near the cash so I went straight for the candy section.
“Uh…hello?” I spoke to the universe. “Anyone here?”
“Oh shit, fuck. I thought the door was locked,” I heard a whisper from the other end of the store. The whisper turned into a woman’s voice at the end of one of the aisles. “The store is closed.” This was followed by footsteps coming in my direction.
“We close at eight,” she said as she turned the corner. Her look of annoyance froze as she recognized