Jillian

to go to the doctor?”
“Nah,” said Megan. “Now that it’s over, it’s kind of funny.”
“Hmm,” said Annie. Her face communicated that she didn’t really think it was that funny.
“Hey,” said Megan, looking at Jessica. “Could I get by you? I have to pee.”
“Okay, sure.”
“Thanks for the cigarette,” Megan said to Annie. Annie forced a smile and waved.
On her way to the bathroom, Megan stopped by Randy. She whispered, “Carrie can roll it up and stick it in her prim little asshole.”
“Jesus Christ,” said Randy. Prim little asshole.
There was a line for the bathroom.
The tall guy in front of her said, “So you’re in the line, too, huh?”
“Yeah,” said Megan. She covered her mouth to burp and opened another beer.
“Sucks. This always happens at these things,” said the guy.
“Yeah, well. It’s an apartment. They don’t usually have more than one bathroom.”
“You want to come in with me? I could pee in the tub if you really need to go.”
“No, I’m good, thanks,” said Megan.
“Hey, man, I was just offering, okay?”
“Yeah, I know, it’s fine.”
“You don’t have to act like an asshole about it.”
“Well, I don’t really think I’m being an asshole. I just don’t, uh, I don’t really have to go that bad.”
“Then why are you in the bathroom line? There are people who actually have to go, you know.”
Megan looked behind her and saw no one.
“I just think I can wait, that’s all.”
“What kind of accent is that?” asked the guy.
“What do you mean? I don’t have an accent.”
“Yes you do. Are you a liar?”
“I mean . . . I’m from Michigan.”
“You have a foreign accent,” said the guy, and then the bathroom door opened. “Ladies first.”
“No, really, go ahead,” said Megan. “Allow me to do this one thing for you.” The guy snorted. He was in and out in a minute, he didn’t wash his hands. When he got out of the bathroom, he held the door open for her and bowed a little.
Megan locked the door behind her, washed her hands, then pulled down her pants. There were no leaks on the bandage and she decided to leave it alone. She pulled her pants back up, finished her beer, and looked at herself in the mirror.
“Hello,” she said to herself before leaving. “Hello, darling.”
Amanda, a familiar face from school, was in the kitchen looking in the refrigerator.
“Hey, familiar face, I have beer,” said Megan.
“Phew!” said Amanda. Amanda was nice to Megan and she had an unpretentious look. Amanda was low-medium pretty, less pretty than Megan, which put Megan at ease, but more attractive than Megan because she bothered to groom herself. Megan observed that Amanda’s level of grooming was not too high, though, and then she felt guilty for gauging her comfort with Amanda by such idiotic standards. Megan reached into her purse and handed Amanda a beer.
“How many beers do you have in there?”
Megan looked in her bag and said, “Used to be twenty-four, but now I’m not sure.”
“Ha ha ha, you’re nuts.”
“Oh, I’m nuts,” said Megan. “I’m a regular nut.”
“So, what’s up? How’s work?”
“Work is . . . I spend thirty-two hours a week with a woman who isn’t allowed to cut her hangnails for religious reasons. Vanity or something. We listen to light Christian rock together all day. She forwards me photo threads of baby animals with affirmations at the bottom and she belches all the time.”
Amanda laughed and said “Gee whiz.” Megan shrugged and offered up a cheers.
There was that kind of pause that happens when one person is trying to think of something interesting to say while the other person waits. Megan grimaced and said, “I’m not that interesting.”
Amanda laughed again. Then she became serious and said, “Hey, are you going to look for something else? You seem pretty unhappy.”
“Ehh, I don’t know. I’ve looked, and I usually end up feeling pretty overwhelmed and underqualified for all of the interesting jobs, and then I have a thought spiral, and then I feel like I made a bad move somewhere back in middle school, and then I feel like there’s no hope at all for me and then I contemplate suicide.”
Amanda rolled her eyes in a friendly way and said, “I know what you mean, but it’s not that big of a deal. You just apply for stuff. And fake it.”
“I’m just trying to live pure,” said Megan. “Ambition’s for the devil.”
At that moment, Carrie walked up and gave Amanda a hug and said, “Oh my god, girl!” Megan opened another beer and put the empty back in her purse. “I’ve got to show you this llama my boss and I bought off a homeless guy.”
“Ha ha ha,” said Amanda, taking Carrie’s phone. “It’s enormous! Megan, have you seen this?”
“Yeah, I’ve seen it.”
“Hey, can I get a cigarette?” asked Carrie.
“Oh, sure,” said Amanda. “You want one?”
“Yeah, thanks,” said Megan.
“I quit,” said Carrie. “I quit smoking and I quit coffee, and I feel so much better now.”
“How long have you been not smoking?” asked Amanda, handing Carrie her lighter.
“Like, three weeks. Have you ever quit before?”
“I take breaks sometimes,” said Amanda.
“It’s just this really clean feeling, like I can feel everything that’s dead inside of me coming to life again. I can feel life flowing through me.” Carrie held her hands out, palms up, and flexed her fingers like claws. The cigarette was between her right pointer and middle fingers. Megan raised her eyebrows at the floor.
“Except when I’m drinking, then I can’t help it,” said Carrie.
“You’re fine just as long as you don’t buy your own pack,” said Megan.
“Exactly,” said Carrie, looking at Megan for the first time all evening. “Hey, do you have anything to drink?” she asked Amanda.
“No, I got this beer from Megan.”
Carrie looked at Megan with a dumb expression.
“Take your pick,” said Megan, holding the bag out to her.
“Oh my god, there are like twelve empty cans in here.”
It was true. Megan smelled like beer and had been trailing a little dribble of lukewarm beer behind her all night.
“I’m from Michigan,” said Megan. “I take them